Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself, for all the right reasons. It doesn’t mean being ego centric, inflated, rich, over the top, or having the jump on a man or on anyone. That is not self esteem, that is, to put it bluntly, a hole waiting for you to fall into. Self-esteem means taking care of yourself and taking care of how others feel as well. We sometimes get the first part right, and not the second part, taking care, or caring about how others feel too. If we get the first part right, that is a good start, but it’s selfish. And self-esteem to really work needs the second, larger part. Caring about how he feels too. Now, here’s the big secret. Why do you think men behave selfishly in bed? Answer, because he doesn’t have enough self-esteem to care about you, too. He doesn’t care about himself enough to love you as much as himself in bed.
He has low self-esteem. What is the cure? The cure is to care about how he feels more as a first step to showing him that he is going to get a lot more out of this sexual encounter if he cares about you more. Result, his self-esteem goes up. But this is not self-help for one-night-standers. These are long haul relationships we are talking about. So if you are in it for the long haul, then you need to get your self-esteem working. And his. It’s a spiritual thing.
RULE NUMBER FOUR: EDUCATING HIM INTO WHAT YOU NEED IN BED
One of the biggest mistakes we make in bed with a man is that we think just because he has got a cock and we have a vagina and the natural forces of sexual attraction know that him inserting his cock into our vagina is natural and doesn’t really need any education is something that has to change. Animals do it. Ask yourself: a dog can do it. A horse can do it.
Instinct drives them to do it. But do animals enjoy sex? Maybe, we will never know. But even if they do, it isn’t the arty form it is for humans. My bet is that men and women enjoy it far more than any animal. For animals it’s an instinctual drive to procreate the species. For humans it is that too, and a lot more. It is a way of relating on much more subtle levels. What we do know is that in the animal kingdom a man has a disproportionately large cock and the helmet end of it is so sensitive that it is designed for pleasure. So apart from the instinctual drive to procreate the species as his motivation force behind wanting to shag us is the PLEASURE PRINCIPLE. The desire born of the need to satiate his sexual desire upon us, to get that helmet at the end of his fiery shaft stimulated to the point of orgasm inside a woman’s vagina. Then there is that little organ called the clitoris, which we have. It takes much more stimulation than his helmet to set it on fire but if he knew that the intensity of our orgasm was nine times stronger than his, he would want to be a woman.
All women, if they are honest with themselves accept that an orgasm experienced with a man’s cock up you is a lot more wonderful than with, say a vibrator up you. Germaine Greer, the thinking woman’s woman, even had to admit that is true. Also, recent medical evidence shows that the small little pleasure membrane we call the clitoris is not as small as we have been led to think. It stretches back inside our vaginas a long, long way into our bodies and is much longer than any man’s penis. Incredible but true. It was the last great discovery of the twentieth century as a matter of fact! But because it’s on the inside and under the skin it has taken “modern” medical science three hundred years to discover the size of a woman’s clitoris. Now why? Because the clitoris is designed for pure unadulterated pleasure.