Friday, April 11, 2008

Why Me? And Other Horror Stories from the Dating Trenches

There are three cosmic questions that every single asks at sometime while being in the dating trenches. Why me? That question often comes after you've gone on a date and it's not quite what you thought it was going to be? The person sounded so good on the phone. Or, you meet someone and it feels really good? At first it seems too good to be true? Then you find out that it is too good to be true. The person or the relationship is quite different from your initial expectations.

So you move on. But as you move on, another major single's question gnaws at your very being. So now you begin the mantra. "Why me?" Then you ask yourself either silently or out loud when no one is listening, "How do I keep attracting those same people into my life?" This is usually followed by the last line of the single's mantra, "When am I finally going to meet Mr. or Ms. Right?"

Recently, those great cosmic questions just fell out of my mouth. Why me? It seems that my boyfriend, around the time of his birthday, suffered a mid life crisis. He became obsessed with how his face looked. To be honest, his face did have more road maps than AAA, but I would never tell him that. Besides, he looked great to me.

He would lie on the couch for long periods of time and hold up a mirror to look at his face. Gravity doesn't hit when you're lying down. Get the picture? He had enough anti-aging products to open his own shop. In fact, he had more products than me.

To solve his mid life crisis, he got permanently pressed. Now when you throw him in the wash he's wrinkle free. That's right. He got a new wrapper, a face lift. But does the package change just because you change the wrapper? We didn't agree on the answer to the question and so we're now dating other people.

Being back in the dating trenches, I decided to follow the advice I give you. There are some great guys out there, let me tell you. But this Queen Bee has also attracted some weird wannabes. Becky says, "trust your intuition when it comes to dating in the trenches." If, after the telephone conversation, you get the feeling that he or she is not "the one", listen to those voices. They can save you from you.

But did I listen? N-O! I decided to meet this one particular man for dinner. When I arrived at the restaurant, I wasn't sure who I was meeting as none of the men there seemed to match the picture. As I was thinking about contacting the missing person's bureau, a man walked up and said hi. Okay, so some of us are more photogenic than others.

You want to know how the dinner went? You've heard the expression "time stood still"? It now has taken on a whole new level of meaning for me. He's a nice guy but we're not going to be the dynamic duo. Dynamic was not in his description. I must have missed that point.

And then there was the guy who had brains, wit and charm. He was in the perfect profession for him – sales. And boy did he try to sell me a bill of goods. After going out with these and several other men, the cosmic question wouldn't go away, how do I keep attracting these people?" Then I realized that this is life in the dating trenches. Sometimes you have to kiss some frogs or ducklings till you find your prince or princess. This is life in the trenches. Dating can be hell. Some will seem great on the phone and be a flat line in person. Some you just won't click with. And some are used car sales men and women whose motto is what you see isn't what you get. Some will be incredibly cheap. Some will be gold diggers and only looking for their next meal.

Some will be your worst dating nightmare. Some will be a dream date. In fact, I had a dream date of driving up the coast, picnicking, walking on the beach and then dinner outdoors at Geoffrey's in Malibu. Great date but not Mr. Right

Being in the trenches isn't easy. There are some great moments and many disappointments. We've all got our horror dating stories. In fact, email me yours. Being single, I probably will continue to ask those cosmic questions.

Why me or why you? Because. (the "why" doesn't matter, the "what" you do about it does)

How do you keep attracting those people? You're settling. Don't want to attract those same people? Then stop settling for what you don't want.

When will you find "the one?" The best advice I can offer is just be in your own life.

This is what I know: we're all frogs and ducklings until we find that "someone." So I'll probably kiss a few more frogs along the way, and, I know that the way to become a date magnet is to just be in your own life. So, gotta go now and be in my own life.

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