Friday, April 11, 2008

What do you do when it's that time? Time to move on!

The right answer is G-O. Experience has taught me that old, worn jeans usually fit better than old, worn relationships. Why is that you ask? Because old jeans never wear out and worn relationships continue to wear you out. Maybe that's why old, worn jeans still have substance to them and old, worn relationships are just that...old and worn.

Most of us deep down know when it's time to go, but only the courageous few do. As for the rest of us, we hang on, waiting for things to get better. And we stay for really good reasons such as, although it doesn't seem it now I know this relationship has real possibilities, or I want a relationship, or I'm already in this relationship and who knows what the next one will be like, or because I don't want to fail again, or because you have convinced yourself that the person you're with is "the one." You know what I'm talking about...he or she IS your soul mate. Of course it doesn't matter that it's a dead end relationship, you're going to keep trying to make him or her the one.

Sorry, but no matter how hard you want it to work, sometimes it's just over when it's over. You've heard it said that it's not over until the fat lady sings? Well, she's singing...to you now. Yogi Berra said, "It's not over until it's over." That's a nice saying but the fact of the matter is that it is over when you finally realize it's time to move on.

When the light bulb goes on and you wake-up to realize that somebody's home, do not pass go, do not collect $200, take action! G-O. Or at the very least, sign up for lasik because seeing is believing. Sometimes, a frog is just a frog and a ugly duckling is really an ugly duckling. They aren't a prince or princess, at least not to you.

I know, exactly at the moment you decide to walk, you're going to come up with a gazillion reasons why you should stay and give it one more try. Don't listen. G-O. You can always revisit the crime scene.

Here's the good news. If you're the one to walk, you probably have the power to revisit the crime scene. He or she who is most fed up with the relationship becomes the least invested in saving it. Therefore, the most frustrated one has the most power and is in control of the relationship.

I'm not advocating being a heartbreaker, but the one who loves and respects him or herself the most, controls the relationship.

So what do you do when it's time to go? By now you know what I think. You G-O. But it's how you go that makes the difference in your present and future relationships. There are many ways to leave. Pick one of the following:.

With drama or denial?

Through a revolving or resolving door?

As friends or enemies?

By building bridges or burning them?

By wishing well or condemning to hell?

As a dreamer or by being a realist?

By pointing a finger or extending a hand?

As a victim or martyr or by taking responsibility?

With respect or contempt for your partner?

With respect or contempt for yourself?

Pick your exit door. Then go through it. You've taken the first step. However, the secret to moving on is by realizing that you're done. So either be complete with the relationship or find a way to get complete. Then allow yourself to feel good and, without guilt, maybe even feel relieved.

Now think of yourself as a runner, who is ahead of the pack. You're running your own race. And like all lead runners, you don't look back because what's in front of you is far more interesting that who and what you left behind.

Well, the fat lady is singing now. I can hear her and I think she's singing your song by Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive.

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