Friday, April 11, 2008

Stop Pining Away. Your Life is Waiting.

Relationships are the hardest thing we will ever do. And each time we partner and get involved in a relationship we take a chance. There is always that risk that we could get hurt. But remember, anything worth doing is worth doing well. Love can only fill up a heart that is open. It can't get through one that has armor around it. So if you're going to be in a relationship, then be in the relationship completely and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

There is a price to that vulnerability. Sometimes you can get wounded. As the song says, "Breaking up is hard to do." It certainly is. Those who have risked having their hearts broken know exactly what I'm talking about. Only morons, narcissists and sociopaths don't feel bad when it's over.

And once a heart is wounded, it takes time for it to heal. But it will heal if you allow it to. Of course you'll go through the loss which is real, you'll experience missing the other person, the grieving of what was, the grieving and perhaps anger of what wasn't but what you wish could have been, and of course you'll feel hurt. When a relationship ends there is sadness. Relationships and the end of them are a breeding ground for all kinds of emotions.

The important thing is to feel them, to really experience all those emotions, and then get on with your life. Pining away for what isn't and what won't be, and probably really never was, doesn't serve you. It just keeps you stuck where you are.

If you are pining away for someone or even some thing, get over it. Instead of crying and carrying on because it's over, smile because it happened. Besides, your life is waiting.

I know you feel bad. It's only natural. There once were two and now there's only one. Now that you are by yourself, are you lonely or just alone? Check in with yourself and see which is it and how you feel. There's a huge difference between the two. When you're lonely you "miss your own company", while when you're alone you're okay with yourself because you "enjoy your own good company."

So if you're pining for the "one that got away" or for "the great relationship that never was", stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your life is waiting to happen. Help your life along. As Edmund Burke once said, "You cannot plan the future by the past." So in order to have a different future, you have to stop living in the past. I will say it again, "Get over it and get on with living."

Dating is not a spectator sport. If you spend your whole life in the bleachers just watching what goes on on the playing field, you're wasting your life. The only way to be in a good relationship and win at the dating game is to be on the playing field.

It's not always up to us when a relationship comes to an end. Sometimes it's our choice, sometimes it's our partner's decision to leave or end the relationship. It's not the end of the relationship that is significant, but rather how we deal with it. I think that Voltaire sums it up best when he said, "Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game."

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