Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Q & A: "When Men Don't Call Back"

Q: As a 23 year old female I am able/permitted to pursue a college degree, financial independence, and a blossoming career, but as you continually state in your posts. "I am not able/permitted to pursue a man."

I don't understand your theory behind this advice. You contradict your own advice and create a double standard which (in actuality) strips the man of his equality to women. You claim that women should NOT call a man, yet you advise them to find a man who WILL call them. What about the man who is waiting for a woman who WILL call him? Women are permitted to choose whom they want to be with, just as men are. Pursuing what you want (whether you get it or not) is a confidence booster not buster. It takes a great deal of self-confidence to pursue a man or a woman (and then live with the outcome). We are all only human, after all. We all share the same insecurities, drives, and fears. Therefore, whoever does the pursuing is simply the pursuer, not the man or the woman.

Don't you ever wonder what you could have had if only YOU had gone for it? Never finding out because you never tried for it is the worst failure of all-Pursuing vs. Pursued

Dear Pursuing vs. Pursued,
Thank you for your wonderful and thought provoking letter. I absolutely believe women should go for what they want in their lives and get it.

Let me clarify my beliefs. Women who are more comfortable with their masculine way of being, such as being the pursuer, the giver, and initiator all the time, should act accordingly. However, they should pursue men who are stronger in their feminine, so that a balance of the two energies is maintained. Relationships need a balance of giving and receiving energies, doing and being energies, passive and aggressive energies, masculine and counter feminine energies.

Alpha females, who approach relationships with their masculine energies and want masculine men who will treat them as feminine ladies, set themselves up to fail right from the beginning. Masculine men just aren't attracted to them because alpha females have a need to compete with men. Competition is a characteristic in work, not in love.

A masculine man wants a feminine woman who he can cherish, provide for, protect and serve. He wants to love his woman not compete with her.

You ask the question and make the statement, "Don't you ever wonder what you could have had if only YOU had gone for it? Never finding out because you never tried for it is the worst failure of all." My answer is NO. I go for what I want and I encourage all my clients, those who take my classes and workshops, and all those who listen to my radio show to go for what they want - all the time! The only difference is how you go about it.

The questions you should always ask yourself when pursuing your goals are:
Do you want to be right or do you want to win?
Do you want to be right or do you want to be loved?

And the "how" you go about pursuing and accomplishing your goal makes all the difference. I just provide a "how" that has worked for me and millions of other women.

My coaching, my site and all the work I do is about providing the "how" to win more, love more, and have better relationships in your life. Like you, I don't want to live in a world of regrets of never knowing what could have been if I had only had the courage to pursue my dream.

Thank you for your letter. But most of all, thank you for your courage and your willingness to risk it all to have your dreams. I applaud you for your self-confidence and for being a remarkable woman. I hope you will write to me and again and will visit my site often.

Q: I am 22 years old and have been single now for 10 months. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 years, so when it ended I was lost. I haven't really "dated", but I have lusted over many, many guys in the past months. They end up hanging out with me and acting like they are totally into me and then they never call. I know I am probably just picking jerks, but I do really like all of them and then when I am rejected it hurts 10 times worse. I know I can't make someone like me, but I have such a hard time finding someone that "I" actually like and when that does happen I usually get obsessed. My question is this- how can I not get so wrapped up in these guys and take it for what it is? How can I not take it so personal that they don't call me back? - When Men Don't Call Back

Dear When Men Don't Call Back,
First of all, it's always disappointing when our expectations are not met. And it's really upsetting when you're waiting by the phone and it doesn't ring. Just about every girl on the planet has been in that situation.

Take this time to build up yourself and your self-esteem. When you really like yourself, respect yourself, and know what you have to offer a man, you can say with absolute confidence that "it's his loss if her doesn't call you." And, "better that you found out now instead of later." Instead right now you, you'll probably doing the "woe is me" routine and feel that all the good ones are taken. With that mindset you've already set yourself up not to find anyone. You get to be right. Look at your results…you attract guys that don't call.

You can only have what you believe you can have. And what you believe you can have is solely based on what you feel you deserve. Start doing some work on building that esteem and confidence. Make a list of your attributes. Start and finish a project that you've always wanted to do but didn't think you were good enough to do or could complete. Go out and mentor a kid. Do some community service. All of these will help put confidence points in your self-esteem bank. With better self-esteem, you won't settle for and obsess over guys who don't call back. And, pretty soon you'll stop attracting those guys of guys and starting attracting some real great men.

You might also want to consider taking one of my free telephone classes about The Secret of Relationships and What Men Want. Check out my current list of classes.

Q: I can't decide if the person I just starting to date is sketchy or not? He seems great, he's going to med school next year, he's religious, and many other things. So we had the sex discussion last night. He asked me how many partners I have had. Feeling that it's important I told him, and then I asked him. He refused to tell me! Then he said something that women are his "vice." Is this something I should be worried about?- Sex and Double Standards

Dear Sex and Double Standards,
Your question, "is this something I should be worried about?" In a word YES. Believe him, he's telling you the truth. And what's more, he wants to asks the questions but not answer them. Hmm! Does that tell you anything about him and his issues with control?

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