Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Q & A: "she said, 'could we be just friends?'"

Q: I asked this girl out on a date and she said yes when I asked her in person. She gave me her phone number and address. I called her the next day, but her mom made an excuse that she was sick, and before that, her mom took down my number to have her call me back. Unfortunately, I never heard from her. So is she trying to tell me no? Should I buy a get-well gift for her since she's sick to show I care?-She Said Yes But

Dear She Said Yes But,
I'm sorry to tell you this but don't buy her a gift. She's just not interested in you. Don't take it personally. She said yes in person because she didn't know what else to do. As far as her mother is concerned, her mom shouldn't have made an excuse for daughter. That's not teaching her good values. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I think the fruit just may be rotten from that tree.

Q: I am a 19-year-old woman with average looks. I have had 2 past relationships before. Before I stumbled onto your site, I took my own initiative to ask a guy I liked out. I called him and he responded positively. I even asked him out for dinner (which wasn't a very good idea). After that, whenever we see each other, we would smile, but nothing more. I don't think I went too fast on him because I knew him for 3 months before I actually called him.

Does this mean that he isn't interested in me? I feel rejected although he didn't explicitly say anything to me.-Joy

Dear Joy,
You weren't acting like a Queen Bee. You were acting like an Alpha Female. Do you want to be the man or the woman in the relationship? In this situation you were acting like the guy. In fact, you did his job. It's great to flirt to let a man know that you're interested but it's his job to ask you out. It's your job to accept or not accept. As far as rejection goes, the only person who can reject you is you. You need to do some work on your self-esteem and dating habits.

You can set up a phone session with a credit card through my site. We need to do some work to have you be the Queen Bee. You're only 19. You can learn and you can get good self-esteem and confidence. I look forward to working with you and helping you date better. You deserve to live and love full out.

Q: I just started listening to your radio show on Sunday nights. I really love it. I want your opinion on these dating services (clubs) that charge up to $3,000 to join. Do you think they necessarily introduce you to more quality men? After all, anyone can use his or her charge card for joining. A friend of mine joined a very expensive club and they didn't check her out prior to joining. They just charged her card and said she was in. What do you think?-Yes or No to Expensive Dating Services

Dear Yes or No to Expensive Dating Services,
Thanks for listening to my radio show. I glad you like it. I hope you will continue to listen and will tell your friends to listen every Sunday from 10-midnight PDT.

There are a vast number of dating services and clubs. I don't know everything about every one of them. But this I do know. Just because a membership fee to a certain club is more expensive, doesn't mean it's always better a better club. I would ask the following questions. How many dates do they guarantee you? Do they pre-screen the men and women to make sure that they qualify? What's the gender and age split? What's their success rate? Do they offer a money back guarantee? Get a list of satisfied members. Call them and ask them about their experiences.

Expensive dating services can be like many health clubs -they really care about you until you've signed up. You often become their new best friend…until you've signed on the dotted line. They make their money when they sign you up. When men and women "desperately" want something, it's easy to grab onto to something…anything. This is particularly true when it comes to love. We all want and need love. And in our quest, we often don't leave any stone unturned…no matter how expensive it is.

I feel that if all these expensive dating services were as good as their claims, then there would be a lot less single people around, but you need to decide for yourself. You might want to consider some other options first before you sign on the dotted line. Let's talk about your other options. Call the show Sunday or give me a call to set up a session.

Q: I am 15 and I just fell in love with this girl the first time I met her. She is my first love. She is a year younger than me. My family has always used the courting methods and so did I. She is pure, holy, innocent, sweet, pretty and caring. I love her dearly. I met her in my church. I made friends with her, telling jokes to her, giving her a hand, etc. She smiled most of the time. I thought she loved me too but when I asked her, she said, "could we be just friends?" This hurts me so much. But I still love her and continue being friends with her. What should I do to make her love me?-Crazy about Her

Dear Crazy about Her,
First love is so precious and special, but can also be heartbreaking. There's nothing worse than unrequited love. Everyone hates it when they love someone and the other person doesn't love them back. It's so painful.

I'm sorry to tell you this but you can't make her or anyone else love you. You can invite her to get to know you and share some experiences with you. The more familiar two people get and the more they share common experiences, special moments and laughter, sometimes their friendship grows and blossoms into something more. Sorry, but my crystal ball is being polished and I'm all out of ESP pills, so I can predict whether she will eventually love you back. But this I do know. If you like her, enjoy her company and want to be with her, then continue to build the friendship and see where it goes.

Give up any expectations and you won't be disappointed. You'll simply be present when you're with her and you'll enjoy the your time together for what it is - two people who enjoy each other's company.

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