Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "I'm not sure now if she is interested"

Q: I have known for Josh 2 weeks now. My friend told him that I wanted to take him to the dance and then the next day he wrote me this note: "I am sorry but I already have a date for the dance, I did not think I would meet you. If we would have meet earlier, I might have asked you to the dance, that is if you wanted to go."

What does his note mean? I know he likes me because he also said in the note, "we should talk some more, (he gave me his number) and we should get together this weekend. Call me and we will chat. He called me and we talked for almost 2 hours. What is he trying to say?-Too Late

Dear Too Late,
It may be too late to go to the dance with him, but never too late to start a wonderful friendship and relationship. He sounds like a great guy who is interested in you. He can't go to the dance with you because he already has a date that night.

Open up your ears and eyes. Listen to what he's saying and doing. Life doesn't always fit our picture. As John Lennon once said, "Life happens while we're busy making plans."

Q: First and foremost, please allow me to applaud your website and your advice. They are both stellar!

I dated this guy who I really liked. Things were really nice between the two of us. And then the time came for him to leave to study on the east coast. I really liked him and wished he didn't have to leave, however, I was very happy for him. With time I learned to let go of him and see him only as a friend.

He came back over Christmas. I saw him then. We ended up kissing, etc. Before he left he told me two things, to forget him and that he was dating someone else back east. I was hurt and I left it at that. However, later I found myself emailing him and sending him letters. Now, I find myself wanting to move on and wanting to hold on. I don't want to pursue him, but I want to stay in touch. Is staying in touch pursuing him? What should I do? -Pursuer or friend or clueless

Dear Pursuer or Friend or Clueless,
You say you're ready to move on but there's some baggage that you're carrying around with you. You need to get rid of it. You're holding on to what was and / or what could have been. You're not clueless at all. You know exactly what you're doing…but you don't know why you're doing it. Do you really just want to friends with no hidden agenda? I don't think so!

Q: I met a guy who answered my personal ad. We've gone out three times. We have a lot in common and he's a gentleman; but I'm not attracted to him. He called after our last date and asked me to go out just with him on his birthday. He's ready for a long-term relationship. I just got out of a 5-year relationship and want to date, but not seriously. What should I do?-Letting Him Down

Dear Letting Him Down,
Tell him the truth. The two of you are not on the same page and want different things out of life right now. After three dates you know if your want the fourth date. You don't, so wish him a happy birthday and move on.

Q: I met this wonderful woman through a new group of friends and we've been going out as a group for 2 months now. She is 27 years of age and I'm 37. Anyway, throughout our outings, I've gotten several hints and signals that she is interested in me. Example, she would always be by my side every time we go out or would ride with me in my car. She would also asked questions like what type of woman I look for and she seems to enjoy our conversations. Several times, she'd call me and ask to go out with her and some friends. Anyway, I felt it was time to ask her out which I did. She acted surprised but said yes anyway. On the day of the date, I called to confirm and she expressed she may not make it and she would call me back. She did not call after a couple of hours so I had to call her again. She then cancelled. I felt bad about it and thought she blew me off. She did not seem sorry nor did she try to make it up. I really like this girl and I'm not sure now if she is interested. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.-Getting Mixed Signals

Dear Getting Mixed Signals,
First things first. Don't take what someone else does personally. It's not about you. It's about her. She is the one who is exhibiting bad dating behavior and bad woman behavior.

Since you are both part of a group and will likely see each other, be cordial but not real friendly. Make it a point to ask another woman to ride in your car and make it a point to be with other women. If she likes you, she will not be too happy with the attention you're paying to other women. She will do something to get you interested again in her. And then you can decide if you want to play her game. It may be her move, but I suggest that you give her a run for her money and move on. Someone who is unavailable is often more attractive to people like her. Besides, February is the month of love. Follow my 28 ways to bring love into your life this month. Remember that, "Men and Women are like trains…another will be along in a few minutes. If the train doesn't stop at your station…it's not your train." Good luck. Let me and my readers know what happens.

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