Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Q & A: "I was recently asked to participate in a threesome"

Q: I recently had a beautiful friendship with someone online who I feel is a very nice woman. We've shared a lot of intellectually stimulating conversations. One day she found out I am married, and from that day to this, she has nothing but disdain for me. I see her online sometimes and I want to talk to her, but I don't. Should I just let go and give her space, or try to salvage what we had?

btw, I'm Married

A: You had a beautiful friendship with someone online that found out you're married. How quaint. This sounds shady already. If the person was your friend, she should have known you are married. Perhaps you were hiding the fact that you're married from her.

You must ask yourself the reason you didn't inform your friend of your marital status. Seems like there may have been one of those Cyber-Flings going on, and she now feels betrayed, thus the disdain. Friendships are built on trust. If there is no trust, there is no friendship.

Q: I have recently become friends with a guy, and I'd like a very nonchalant way of asking him if he is in a relationship, without letting on that I am interested in him. Any suggestions?


A: Skip the game and just ask him if he is in a relationship at this time. If you insist on being nonchalant, a simple "you never mention your girlfriend, does she live near you?" will do.

Q: I was recently asked to participate in a threesome with two of my male friends. Although I am curious, I declined the opportunity. I am very interested in one of the guys. Up until now, our relationship has been purely platonic. Now that I know he's at least interested in a sexual relationship with me, I'd like to see if he's interested in more than sex.

How should I approach him with this? Being a rules type woman, I would like him to step to me first, but he's all I can think about these days, and my patience is growing thin. I know that we would be perfectly compatible with one another, afterall, we shared a friendship first. I really want to approach him, but I'm afraid I might scare him off. I feel like if he wants me, he can come and get me. The problem is, I can't wait forever! Please advice a sistah!

Never too late

A: The only rules you should follow are the ones that you feel. The fact that your friends invited you to participate in a threesome leaves something to be desired. Ponder this:

He asked you to perform sexual acts with him AND a friend. Would he really want his lady sleeping with another man?

You stated that the relationship is platonic. Has he ever asked you on a date?

Is he involved with someone at this time?

If a sexual relationship is all he wants, can you honestly accept that?

I'm an advocate for being direct and honest, therefore if you're still interested in this man after pondering the above questions, approach him. Ask him out on a dinner date. If you scare him off, he isn't the man for you.

Q: I have been crushing on this guy for about a year now. Overtime I run into him he already has a girlfriend. He cheated on his girlfriend with me a few times a couple months ago, but just recently we had sex. How do I find out if he's just using me or if he wants more? He's the kind of guy that if I came out and told him how it is he'd laugh at me. I love him! What should I do?

Dizzy Lizzy

A: Better get some business about yourself, that's what you'd better do. If he'd laugh at you when you express your feelings to him, of course he's just using you for sex. If he wants more, he'd ask for more.

You love him! So what. It's not who you love, it's who loves you. Don't suffer from the doormat syndrome, whereas you let a man walk all over you. Cut your losses, move on and don't be a fool again.

Q: My boyfriend of one month wants to have sex and I'm not sure if he wants me or "it." How do I know? He says he loves me, how do I know? Should I make him wait for sex longer than one month, or should I just do it to keep him? I'm afraid I might lose him if I don't do something soon.


A: You'll know if he loves you or not when he respects you enough to wait until you are comfortable enough to have sex with him. Do NOT have sex with him just to keep him. That never works. If he can't wait for sex, don't worry about losing him, tell him to get lost.

Q: My best friend has been going with one of my close male friends for over a year now. This male friend of mine and I once liked each other, and we still do. We've been through hard times and were always there for each other, but we can't go further because of him going with my best friend.

Several times he has visited me and we slipped, but not to the point of sex. We both know if this goes on, we will end up having sex, and we both don't want to hurt my best friend like that. She is sometime suspicious, but doesn't know the half. What should we or I do?

Three's a company

A: If the two of you end up having sex and he decides to stay with his girlfriend, she won't be the only one hurt in this love triangle. Believe it or not, I've been in this exact situation before, and I've got some advice for you: don't sleep with him. Don't allow yourself to "slip" anymore either.

He has a girlfriend, respect that. Who know, your paths may cross again when you're both available.

Q: I have been going with my girlfriend for the past 9 months, and we are sexually active. I can't lie, I love her with all of my heart. See, I used to be what some call a playa, and since I've met my girl I gave up my old ways. But, sometimes I feel as though I must continue on with my past life. To make a long story short, I have cheated on my girlfriend twice with nice women, but they don't measure up to my girl in all capacities. I found out while I was cheating on her that sex is nothing without love. Should I tell her that I cheated?


A: If you truly love her, and are certain that you will not cheat on her again, yes, tell her. Will she forgive you? I don't know, but she deserves to be informed of your flings. Sometimes you feel as if you must continue with your past life, why? Is there something missing in your relationship with your boo? Discuss all aspects of your relationship with her. Communicating with one another reveals more than you could ever imagine.

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