Thursday, April 3, 2008

Q & A: "I just don't have success with women"

Q: I've been seeing this girl for two months now. Our relationship is wonderful and she loves me a lot, as do I her. But there is a thorn, like all relationships have, concerning her best friend (a guy). She is very close to him. Sometimes they walk arm in arm or give each other hugs. She assures me they have always ben just good friends, even when she was dating others guys. They have never been an "item". Is it natural for me to feel uncomfortable with this situation? Our relationship is very deep and understanding, but her physical interaction with her friend always seems to prickle the hair on my neck.

I have mentioned her relationship with him a couple times in a casual manor, not letting her know how much it urks me, but it continues. I don't think I'm being entirely honest with her by not telling her my feelings, but I don't want to be inappropriate. Is their relationship as friends something that I should worry about? Or am I being overly protective and jealous? Please help, I'm on a emotional rollercoster and I want to get off.

Signed,
J. Utah

A: First and foremost, inform her that her touchy feely relationship with her friend really bothers you. The obvious affection the two of them share may well be more than a friendship, or may lead to more than a friendship. This in no way implies that you are overly protective, you're just concerned, as you damned well should be.

Once she is fully aware that you don't like her being overly friendly with her best friend, she may choose to tone it down. Then again, she may choose to keep doing it, thus proving she cares more for his feelings than yours. If the latter happens, Tthe rollercoaster ride should be over, just like the relationship.

Q: I have a problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 14 months. I have found that in the last couple months, we have been getting into arguements about not spending enough time together, our friends, our families and just about everything. I love her with all my heart, but I can only bend so much. Half the time I get in trouble for things I dont do. I admit I have a tendency to talk before I think, and it gets me into trouble. I would think that after a year she would know that some of the stuff I say about questions she asks isnt always how I feel. I get so worried about making her mad that I feel I am going to get ulcers, no kidding. I would go weeks at a time without eating. Sometimes I wonder if I should put up with it, then I realized how much I love her and want to be with her. What should I do?


Signed,
Worrier

A: You realized how much you love her... NOW, realize how much you should love yourself. There isn't a person in the world worth worrying over to the point of ulcers and appetite loss. You get in trouble? What kind of nonsense is that? Children get in trouble, not adults.

There's no greater crime than wasting your time on a relationship going nowhere. If you guys can't seem to work things out with a talk, it may be time for you to walk.

Q: I am a senior in college this year. Two years ago I noticed a girl in one of my classes. Sure we all have little crushes on people every now and then, but there was something about this girl that really caught my attention. She’s not a supermodel or anything, but she seemed extremely nice and sincere. I didn’t know her, so I never really talked to her, but I paid attention to her at every chance I got. More and more I began to think this girl could be the perfect one for me—without even having a conversation with her. When the semester came to an end, I was too shy to ever strike up a conversation with her. Being the shy guy that I am, I let the opportunity pass. Still to this day, two years later, I see her on campus and I try to think of a way to at least find out her name.

The class we had together was big enough so that the professor never took attendance, so her name was never called out. Today on the radio, I heard a guy make a dedication to a girl whom he passed up back in college and was regretting it ten years later. He inspired me to try to come up with a plan to meet this girl. That’s where your advice comes in. How to I pull this off—any ideas? Trust me, this is more than a crush, I really think this girl is worth looking in to. Any suggestions on how to meet this girl would be greatly appreciated!

Signed,
Shy Guy

A: You know what? If I were anywhere near you, I'd probably kick your ass. Oops! Damn, I lost it for a minute. Here are two suggestion for you:

1.) Hello? I-N-T-R-O-D-U-C-E yourself to her the next time you see her on campus. C'mon! Being shy isn't going to get you anywhere. When you see her, just pretend that SHY stands for, Say Hi? Yes!

2.) Cleverly follow her home, copy her address, and send her a bouquet of roses. Make sure the note card expresses your feelings and bears your name and phone number. Pray that the correct female receives the bouquet! (This one borders on stalking, proceed with caution)

Q: My girlfiend was giving me the cold shoulder and I broke it off. A week later she came begging back. In the meantime, I found another girl I'm interested in, but I'm not going out with the other girl yet. What should I do?

Signed,
Wierded Out

A: Stick with what you know. Give your old girlfriend another chance. If the shoe were on the other foot, you'd like another chance, wouldn't you?

Q: Hello, I just want to say that I like your site. You give honest opinions and it is nice that you're not afraid to be rude if you have to be. Anyway, my problem is that I just don't have success with women. I am a 19 y.o. male and have been on dates, but no one ever wants to commit to me. They usually end up committing with other guys, and being "just friends" with me.

What do you think I am doing wrong? Do you think I should be closer to them like holding hands, put arms around them, etc. on our first date to let them know that I want more than just friendship? I usually don't have much physical contact as I thought it might scare them off. What else do girls like in a man? I lack the charisma which attracts women to men and my "love" life has been nothing but disappointing.

Signed,
Lonely Lad

A: I almost hate to say this, and I know I'll probably get a lot of flack for saying it, but so what? Sometimes you can be too nice to a female. Some females, like some males like a challenge. No charisma, huh? Doesn't matter. It's all about your attitude, baby.

You've got to give them something to think about. Put something on their mind. You seem very eager. Not good. Sloooow down. chill out. You're only 19. You're going to meet many females throughout your lifetime. Try this. On your next date, keep it short. Drive her home, and say goodbye at the door. If she invites you in, decline. When she calls you, don't always be available, and don't ring her phone off the wall.

Dating is a game, learn how to play it and you'll be just fine. Don't learn how to play it, and you'll get played every time.

Q: My soon to be fianc饠and girlfriend of 1.5 yrs, just left me. She cited my putting off the engagement (which I did have a date picked, but not when she wanted), not taking her out and paying enough, and wanting to date others to make sure marriage was right for her. Right now we are officially broken up and I miss her very badly. We had a great relationship and I can't figure out why this happened. Should I give her a few weeks and then call to see how she feels, or let this one go and chalk it up as life's big experience?

Signed,
D. A.

A: Will that be white or colored CHALK for you sir?

Q: In short - My wife had a child by another man. Now she's my ex-wife and I've become a cold hard-bitten realist. My lover, after months of refusing my using a condom, and repeated warnings that if I don't pull out on time and she becomes pregnant not to expect either marriage, support or even a continued relationship. Well now she is pregnant, and has been served notice. She seems to have taken it as well as can be expected and has assured me that I'm 'safe'. But... Short of pushing her down a medium flight of stairs, how can I make sure that her 'word' will be kept?

Signed,
Trusting Soul

A: Don't even try it. You should have thought about this before you decided to shoot the juice to the moose and let the fox loose. Birth Control should have been her responsibility AND yours. Now that the bun is in the oven you'd better try to stack some chips because my magic 8 ball tells me that you're going to have to pay to help her support YOUR child. Oh yeah, if you push her down the stairs you WILL spend some time in the slammer.

Q: I've been dating a guy for almost 6 months now, and we spend a lot of time together. I love our time together and so does he. The question is some of my friends are giving me guilt trips and making me feel uncomfortable about not being around so much. Am I in the wrong?

Signed,
Lump-Lump

A: If you're spending ALL or most of your time with boyfriend yes, you're wrong. Here's a little secret. When the sex ain't sizzling, the world ain't rocking, and he needs a lil space; your real friends will be there for you. Be there for them.

Q: Homecoming dance is coming in late october. I asked a girl who I've only known since school started. Everyone else who is going has known their date since elementary. I dont know much about her likes and dislikes, but I want to make the night special for her. Are there any universal truths that make a night special for a woman?

Signed,
The Dude

A: Here are some universal truths for you: Prior to the dance, have a few ice-breaking telephone conversations. Treat your date like a lady at all times. Open doors for her, offer to take her coat, offer to get her beverages. If you truly have an interest in her, do NOT make any sexual advances. None whatsoever. Dance with her, yet remain confident when she dances with another. End the evening with a good-night kiss; I'm sure it'll be a night she'll remember for a loooong time.

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