Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Q & A: "I have never had a boyfriend, or even kissed anyone."

Q: I wrote you a couple a days ago, I have not heard anything so I am writing you again. I met a really nice guy about a month ago when he came to install my phone. He called the night before to let me know about what time he would get there. I was not home but my mother was there to let him in. He called me at work and told me that he would have to come back the next day and to tell me to have breakfast ready when he got there at 7:30am. That morning when he arrived I had made breakfast for him since he arrived at my house before he started work which is 8:00.

After he finished eating and I was washing the dishes he walked up behind me and put his arms around me and asked me if I believe in Love at first sight and I replied yes. He in returned told me that he was in love with me, that his prayers had been answered and that I was the one. He asked me how I felt, I said it's hard to explain but there was something or somebody wanting us to be together. I told him that I Love You and that I did not want to have my heart broken again; that it had been broken 2 times before. He promised that he would not break my heart or hurt me.

We made plans to go to Va. Beach for the Labor Day weekend, I made the reservations at the hotel and he was going to rent a Nissan Pathfinder. We both have own cars but he said that we were going to do some shopping in Hampton Va. before we went to the beach. The week before the Labor Day weekend he called and told me that he was going to pick the truck up that night and that we were going to leave Thursday morning.

Thursday came, He did not show up nor did he pick the truck up. I call his house and his aunt told me that he left shortly after we go off the phone wed night and that he did not come home nor did he call. It has now been two weeks since I have heard his voice. I called his house on Labor Day his aunt told me that he had not come home and she did not call and he did not pick up his son. I care for him but I don't know what to do. I have left messages on his pager and with his aunt who promised to make sure that he called me.

The weekend before we went to dinner and to the movies. He joined my bowling team. Last sat. he did not show up to bowl. I still have not heard anything from him. I found a replacement for him on my bowling team. I don't know if his son's mother is tripping or what. I do know that he spends time with his son and spent close to $300 on school clothes, supplies and other things that his son wanted. I love this man but I don't know what to do. I need your sound advice about this matter.

So in to him

A: The first mistake was when you cooked breakfast for the total stranger. Men sometimes ask for things --- not because they want them, just to see if they can have them. When he suggested breakfast you should have suggested a nice restaurant. Don't feel special, when he arrived at your home at 7:30 a.m., he was on the clock.

Although he believes in love at first sight (uh, yeah) that didn't mean you had to once again agree with him. You took a quarter from your coin purse and played yourself. Never tell a man you love him when you do NOT know him. That was just plain dumb. The fact that your heart had been broken twice before was not his business. When you inform men that prior men have dogged you out, they take that as an invitation to do likewise. (And he took it as just that, didn't he?) STOP calling him. STOP paging him. He has your number also. If he wants to talk to you, he will call you. His aunt can NOT make sure that he calls you. She can only relay the message, the rest is up to him. Don't try to blame his son's mother, she does NOT control his fingers, i.e. she can't stop him from calling you if he WANTS to.

The bottom line here is you let the "relationship" move too fast and probably scared him away. Going forward don't tell anyone your life story on the first "date" and do NOT believe everything you hear.

Q: I have this friend which is married with children and we have been talking about a year now. He is a wonderful person we don't argue or anything.

We always have a nice time together and we get along very well. He tell me he loves me and look me straight in the eye when he says it. I have met his mother and two of his brothers. And he claim his mother knows about us. I think I should leave him alone but I can't because I love him dearly. He told me long time ago that if I wanted to find somebody else just to let him know and if I wanted to find somebody and still be with him to let him know. But the other day I told him that I think it's time for me to find a friend just to see what he was going to say and he said well you need to let me know so we can spend one more day together.

Why all of a sudden he changes his mind? Is he jealous and don't want to show it or what? Do he really love me? Please give me some advice, because I feel he isn't going to leave his wife for me. Please Help!!!!

Shaw T

A: You don't have anything with this man. Follow your first mind, and leave him alone. When you find another "friend," he wants to know so the two of you can spend one more day together. I'm touched. He tells you he loves you, yet he is MARRIED to another. He goes home to another. He has children with another. He has a LIFE with another. Speaking of lives, you need to get one.

Q: I have known my guy friend for about 7 years. We wanted to start talking then but he went off to the Army. He came back like 8 months ago. We started talking again but he left something really important out. He has a baby on the way and may be getting married to the mother. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. I really do care for him, but I feel that I shouldn't have to be second. What should I do?

Really Confused

A: Damned straight, you must not be second. If he left this information out of your conversations, how did you find out? Not mentioning a child on the way and a possible wife seems shady. If he loves and wants to be with you he will inform his baby's momma that he will take care of the child, but his heart belongs to you.

Will he do that that? Probably not --- but it's worth a shot.

Q: I am an eighteen year old in my second year of college. I have never had a boyfriend, or even kissed anyone. I am worried that I will be uncomfortable now in starting a relationship or getting close to a guy because I am so inexperienced. The longer I go without having a boyfriend, the more nervous I become and I start to think the situation is hopeless. Am I destined to be alone? I am confident and outgoing in general, and I am not ugly. What is wrong here and how can I fix it?


A: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Do you realize how many females would kill to be in your shoes? 18, in college AND a Virgin?! Don't rush. You shouldn't want A boyfriend, you should want THE right boyfriend for YOU. Friends may pressure you and ridicule you but I'm here to tell you; everyone's first relationship, first kiss and first sexual experience is awkward. When it's your (anyone's) first encounter, you have NO experience.

Your situation isn't hopeless and you aren't destined to be alone. Good things don't just happen, they are planned. If you are hell bent on meeting a guy - mingle baby! Don't expect a single man to magically appear in your living room; throw a singles party!

Q: My problems is that men think that I already have a man, and I don't. They say an attractive women like me with no kids, has a man. I don't. I don't think I carry myself like I have a man. I don't know what to do. Help!

Peace to U

A: How in the hell does one carry herself like she has a man? That's a new one on me. Girl let them think what they want to think. They're going to anyway. You can't change another person's thoughts, but you CAN change the type of people you socialize with.

Q: My best friend of like 5 years has gone out with this guy around 3 different times. She has really low self-esteem and she thinks their relationship was really good-even though he treated her really bad. Just recently he told me that he loves me and has wanted to be with me for a long time. I've always sort of had a crush on him. I told my best friend that I wanted to be with him and she's totally mad at me. She said she's not going to make the decision for me and that she'll be there for me when we break up but she won't be my friend while we're together. I really really want to be with him I think I even love him. But I can't lose my best friend! What should I do?


A: First things first. Get a dictionary and read the definition of LOVE. LIKE does NOT equal LOVE. Secondly think. If he treated her bad, why would you want to be with him? You can't have it both ways. Either be with him and lose your friend or don't be with him and keep your friend. End of story.

Q: I would like to know how to start a relationship with a guy I know. He has been telling my friends and my dad that he would like to go out with me. But, he has never made an attempt to tell me that. I was living with a guy and we just broke up on Sunday, that may be why he doesn't know when to ask me out. So, how can I go about starting a relationship with him? If I call him what should I say. Please help, I need your advice asap. !

Pooh Bear

A: If you recently got out of a relationship you may be moving too fast. If you insist on dating immediately, I'd suggest you call the guy and after a few minutes of small talk, say this: I heard from a very reliable source that you'd like to go out with me. So ... where are you taking me?

You'll either a.) Have a date, or b.) Make a complete fool out of yourself if the rumors aren't true.

Q: I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks and we hit it off great except for one thing. His ex wife is a bit mentally unstable and when she found out I was seeing him she flipped out and threatened to kill herself. She calls him and cries, pleads, threatens and goes into a rage when he doesn't say what she wants to hear. I'm not really frightened away, but I think he wants some kind of promise from me that I will wait this out until things cool down. Should I pull back for now and weigh my options with other potential conquests?

4get Fatal

A: Let him and his Fatal Attraction work this thing out on their own. Tell boyfriend he has your sympathy, but it's either her or you. There are ways to stop her from calling, i.e. caller i.d. or he can change the phone number. It's not a question of you being frightened or not; unstable people do unstable things and oftentimes --- get away with them.

Q: I need unbiased advice. I was in a relationship with a great guy for 5 years, but for the last 6 months of it, it was just stale - nothing happening. He broke it off with me, and I met someone else from another state. My ex still swears he loves me, wants to marry me and do all the things he never did with me, admits he took me for granted, he said he will do anything I wish. This other guy is a divine, perfect, lovely guy, he has everything I could ever wish for. The thing is that I thought I was over my ex, but we met and he told me that he was interested in this other girl, my god, I was so jealous. All I can think of now is that I have made the wrong decision. The thing is, is it just jealousy that is driving these thoughts? The new man wants the same things I do, and we get on so well. What to do?

Chic Chick

A: If he loves you, wants to marry you and is so very apologetic, how can he be interested in another female so soon? Seems like boyfriend is playing games. Jealousy is an ugly emotion that can get the best of you, and is probably the driving force behind your doubting thoughts.

This other guy is everything you could ever wish for so pinch yourself and enjoy him, wishes do come true.

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