Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Q & A: "I am trying to get back my first love"

Q: I wish to thank you enormously for sharing your wisdom in such a delicate (and complicated!) matter. I am 20 years old, beautiful, intelligent... but till not long ago, an alpha female. I just couldn't realize what I was doing wrong until I found your website and read your advices. At first, it seemed difficult (because of all those feminist ideas), but slowly I started to perform the metamorphosis -in both my actions and thoughts- and now I'm glad, specially about myself: being feminine (in all its implications) comes naturally and it also happens to feel very delightful (now I can truly understand and feel the joy Shania Twain described in her song, "I feel like a woman"). The way men behave when they are near me has drastically changed! Before they used to stare at me for a while and rarely show more interest than that, while now they approach me and really seem to enjoy my company! So once again: Thank you very much!- Lady MO

Dear Lady MO,
Congratulations! Change isn't always easy, but the results certainly are wonderful. Isn't it amazing how differently the world and men and women respond to us when we are being and "beeing" our true selves? This lesson applies to both men and women.

And you are very welcome. For all you Alpha Females who want men to behave differently around you, take my free teleclass called What Men Want and How to Give it to Them - Dating Tips for the Alpha Female on Thursday, July 12th at 9pm PDT. Call 310.394.2647 to register (include your phone number and email address) or send me an email .

Q: I just read your stuff and its really good information. I just got back from a date that was going nowhere, but I have another one with a different guy who I am very excited about. Anyway I wanted to say that your advice is very honest and inspiring. I have some strong feminist outlooks that I value, but I appreciate your softening guidance. I would like to read a book by you if you have written one. I have one big question that I can't seem to answer and that is about the first date, where do we go, what do we do, how do we act? I want to make a stellar first impression and after tonight I've lost so much charisma. Help! By the way I'm sixteen, and I live in Salt Lake City, Utah. Any ideas? Thanks again for your awesome web site its really great stuff!-Wanting My Charisma Back

Dear Wanting My Charisma Back,
You never lost your charisma. It's still there. The problem is that you think someone else has to ignite it and validate it in order for your charisma to come out. Wrong. Charisma is that special quality that attracts people to you. Charisma starts on the inside. It comes being authentic and allowing the unique you to come out and connect with others.

On the first date you let the guy decide what you're going to do; let him suggest the place and you can say agree or not agree to go. As far as how to act goes - be yourself, "bee" your true authentic feminine self. Ask him questions and let him do most of the talking. You don't have to make the date all about you. You don't have to impress him. As a Queen Bee, it's his job to impress you. He knows that. If he doesn't impress you, you're not going to go out with him again. If he wants to see you again then he will try his best to impress you. It's your job to appreciate his effort, admire his courage for his willingness to do whatever it takes to impress you, and respect him for the great guy that he is.

Thank you for the compliments. I have worked really hard to make this site what it is today.

For all of my readers, I'm always looking for suggestions on how to improve it. If you have a suggestion for a topic or subject you would like me to write about, please feel free to contact me.

Q: I have known my long distances online love for 3 months. We are both married for 10 years and have no children. I love him like nobody else before. He has given me the confidence to open up my body and feelings, to show love like I have never shown to anyone. He says he loves me, needs me, says I hit him like a hurricane and he is addicted to me and our online sex is amazing.

We spend any where from 3-6 hours at a time chatting online, he is 4 and a half hours ahead of me so he stays up till 4:00- 5:00 am his time to chat and voice to me while his wife is sleeping. I am in an easier position to leave my marriage then him. I am willing to leave my marriage, but he says he can't change his situation and doesn't see it changing in the near future. He says he doesn't want to lose something so special that we are sharing. He wants to keep our net relationship and see what time will bring us. Do you think I am lost in this wonderful fantasy as it is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in my 34 years and I cannot do without his words, his love, his smile, and all his emotions that he shares with me.-Married and Having a Net Affair

Dear Married,
Get a life and stop spending what little of a life you do have online with another man. You are both married. He is not going to leave his wife. And besides, if he did leave her for you, what makes you think he won't dump you for another woman? Since when have leopards started changing their spots?

I can tell from your letter that you're unhappy and that this net fantasy helps you forget your misery. But you're wasting your time. Do something real and pro-active to make your life better. Work on your marriage, get some counseling, or try a trial separation, and change your email address. But before you do, write him a lovely good-bye letter and tell him how much he has enhanced your life and shown you how much better life can be. Thank him for that.

And, now that you know how good life can be, get a life and make it a great one. By the way, if you want to live in Fantasy Land, take a trip to Disney World.

Q: I am trying to get back my first love, but she's not interested. What do I do?- I Want Her Back

Dear I Want Her Back,
All you can do is give it your best shot. Either she wants you or she doesn't. If she doesn't want to be the dynamic duo again, you have two choices. You can pine away for her (which isn't very attractive nor productive) or you can move on.

Don't give up your self-respect and become her doormat or puppy dog. You'll be no good to anyone, especially yourself. I'm not telling you to give up on love, just give up on her love.

If she doesn't want you, some other gal will. Remember that, "Men and women are like trains, another one will be along in a few minutes. If a train doesn't stop at your station, it wasn't your train."

No matter what happens in life she will always be your first love and will hold a special place in your heart. Just don't let her keep breaking it. You'll run out of crazy glue. Better to let someone else in to keep and keep the heart pumping with love that's returned.

Good luck. It's not easy to walk away from a first love. But it's definitely better to walk away then to keep walking into walls.

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