Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Q & A: "I am real educated and all but I want to dance"

Q: I'm a black female and I am real educated and all but I want to dance. There is no one who can stop my wants. THE problem is that the club I want to work in will hire me if I want to do freak shows (2 girls) and the reason I put if --- is because this girl likes me and the manager is her pimp. They're making' it hard for me. Me and the girl are real close but I just have never thought of being with a girl. My sister dances and she says that if you do it only at work it is just like you acting. I am starting to agree with it. I would like to hear your opinion. Would that make me bi?

Do or Bi

A: Hmmm... this sounds suspiciously like the Players club to me. Listen up Miss Missy. If you are hell bent on dancing, and you aren't comfortable with doing a freak show (as you call it) consider dancing at a different club --- maybe? If you insist on dancing at this club and another girl likes you --- yet you aren't bi-sexual or bi-curious, tell her to step the f#%! off. If you have sex with another female only at work, and have sex with men outside of work; yep --- that's bi-sexual. It is just like acting alright; acting for adult films. Some exoctic dancers make a lot of money. If this is the profession you choose, I only have three words for you --- Save Your Money.

Q: Recently, a great friend of two years became a girlfriend. We were great together. I moved from Florida to Atlanta where she lived (hoping for a relationship). A relationship began. It was fantastic. She was everything I ever wanted. I fell in love quick. It was mutual. One month later, she went to San Diego for a conference and fell in love with the area. She just moved there last Saturday. What do I do? Now I'm stuck here. I want to be with her. I at least want to remain the friend that I was before. I'm afraid I've lost her as both a girlfriend and a friend. I need help!

broken Hearted --- again

A: You want to be with her. She has to want to be with you too. You moved from Florida to Atlanta to be with her hell, move to San Diego too! Unless --- she moved there and told you that it is over. Say it ain't so! While reading between the lines of your advice request, I sense it is so. Nothing lasts forever and although you may not want to hear this, move on.

Q: I just recently started hanging out with this Russian girl that I knew from high school. She is extremely attractive, has a great accent, and is VERY sharp. However, I have a friend that I started seeing seriously a few months ago, but she lives about 4 hours away. I don't get to see her much. She and I were really good friends for the last two years, and I don't want to hurt her. We already talked about how things would work: there were no strings attached with anything, and we would do our own thing when we were not together. I also told her though that I wanted our relationship to slowly develop. I'm thinking about just holding on to both right now. The Russian girl lives about 45 mins away so it would not be hard, but I am not that kind of guy so, what to do??

From Russia with Love

A: I don't see a Wedding Ring on your finger! What you described is called dating. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time, as long as you are honest with both of the people that are involved. Since the relationship with girl number one has no strings attached, just do it. Date until you meet your perfect mate.

Q: I recently dated a woman who's husband had cheated on her. She said she was getting a divorce. Our relationship lasted 2 months. We never argued and she said everything was perfect, and that I was her angel. She also said she never lied to me and I believe her. Towards the end of the relationship, she went to visit her family for 17 days in Miami. I picked her up at the airport, and that was our last day together. It was perfect, we had sex before, but that night we made love, which she acknowledged first. We often said we loved each other, that's how naturally things happened. But the next morning, she just stopped talking to me and won't even e-mail me. She says she has no clue what she is doing anymore. With graduate school starting back up and the fact that she hasn't filed for divorce yet, she says reality just set in. She says she needs counseling b/c she is messed up in the head.

Of course, lately I've had girls continually hitting on me. Where were they before? I can't even look at them because I think the world of this girl. One of the last things she said to me, was that losing me would be the biggest mistake of her life. That was three weeks ago. Since then, she talks very impersonal to me when we have to work together, and she has never called me at my house. This really was a special relationship, things couldn't have just ended after two perfect months could they? I don't want to lose this girl, for the first time in my life, I know I found the one I'd like to marry one day. Is she treating me like I was a mistake? What do I do??


A: Have you no pride? Refer to line number one of your advice request. This female has a husband. She had a fling with you and is now over you --- get over her --- it's over.

Q: I'm in theater and there is a girl, lets call her Mary Beth, and I've known her for a year and a half now. I've always liked her but now I'm thinking I want more. Who should I talk to and how should I ask her?

Boy meets girl

A: Who should you talk to?! Who is it that you like?! A-Duh?! You're in theater together, right? Invite her to dinner after rehearsal. If she's feeling you (meaning if she is interested) you'll know.

Q: I have been seeing a 27 year old female and I am 51. She has 2 children and lives with her boyfriend. I very much care for her and would like to eventually have a full relationship with her instead of just sneaking around. How long do I wait to see if we can be together? I see her everyday because we work together and we do have protected sex. Am I just being naive thinking this could develop into something special?


A: Let's be realistic. You're 24 years older than she is, almost twice her age. She has a family, and lives with her boyfriend. She sneaks around to have sex with you. Do the words Sugar Daddy mean anything to you? They should. Think about it.

Q: Recently, I am feeling very down because my "3 year relationship" boyfriend is leaving for maybe Philippine for work (maybe in Dec. 98, with his boss whom I know is his friend) Currently, my boyfriend is working in Singapore (US guy, 51 year old, married) We stop seeing each other on 3/June/98, because his wife is in Singapore now. On 17/7/98, I called him, on 5/Aug/98, I called him. On 21/8/98 he called me on my mobile phone, but I miss the call. On the following day, 22/8/98, I returned his call. On 26/8/98, I called him to check and see if he is alright. I still love him. On 23/9/98, I called him. I feel so much for him, and I feel like giving a phone-call to see how he is and how he is his coming along in his new work environment and to hear his voice.

Shall I ring him up soon? Is it too soon to call him again? Recently, I feel so unstable with my thinking, and feeling, as I always have to think twice, can I call him? How will he think of me? Does he feel better to hear from me , yes or no?, If I do not call he may think I have stop thinking about him.....I am so confused.. I need help...I do not know what I should do.. I keep thinking for him during workday. Please advise me.


A: I called him. I called him. I called him. I called him. I called him. You sound like a f%#@*#g broken record. Look. Get some pride about yourself and STOP calling this MARRIED MAN. He is in Singapore with his WIFE. His WIFE. The woman he MARRIED.

He chose to marry his wife. He chose to have her join him in Singapore. He stopped seeing you because his WIFE was coming to join him. Reach deep within yourself and gather some SELF RESPECT. Stop settling for somebody else's crumbs. You are confused about what? What you should do is leave that woman's husband alone and get a man of your own.

Q: I've been dating a guy for almost 6 months now, and we spend a lot of time together. I love our time together and so does he. The question is some of my friends are giving me guilt trips and making me feel uncomfortable about not being around so much. Am I in the wrong?


A: If you're spending ALL or most of your time with boyfriend yes, you're wrong. Here's a little secret. When the sex ain't sizzling, the world ain't rocking, and he needs a little space; your real friends will be there for you. Be there for them.

Q: Homecoming dance is coming in late October. I asked a girl who I've only known since school started. Everyone else who is going has known their date since elementary. I don't know much about her likes and dislikes, but I want to make the night special for her. Are there any universal truths that make a night special for a woman?

The Dude

A: Here are some universal truths for you: Prior to the dance, have a few ice-breaking telephone conversations. Treat your date like a lady at all times. Open doors for her, offer to take her coat, offer to get her beverages. If you truly have an interest in her, do NOT make any sexual advances. None whatsoever. Dance with her, yet remain confident when she dances with another. End the evening with a good-night kiss; I'm sure it'll be a night she'll remember for a loooong time.

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