Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Q & A: "I always pretend to know a lot about relationships"

Q: I always pretend to know a lot about relationships but in reality I don't know anything. How do I know if its the right time to ask my girl to marry me? --Marriage Minded

Dear Marriage Minded,
Thanks for your honesty around how much you know about relationships. You're not the lone ranger, you've got plenty of company. Without more information I can't tell you when is it the appropriate time to propose. However, here are some criteria in which to base your decision on:

How long have you two known each other and have you been in a monogamous relationship for at least 6 months?

Does your relationship have in it the three foundation building blocks for the house of marriage? Passion, emotional intimacy and commitment both to the relationship and to each other. Find out with The Love Meter.

Three critical elements to look at are: do you have similar life goals? This means you're on the same page regarding what you both want in life and in a marriage. Are you compatible in terms of lifestyles and temperaments, and how is the communication between both of you?

Are you both ready to take on the responsibility of marriage?

Marriage is a commitment between two people where the commitment to the marriage is greater than both of you. It is the blending and union of your souls, your bodies and your lives. The reason you make that commitment is because you love the other person and because you believe your life is better with that person than without him or her. The short answer to your question is, the time is right to propose when you're ready and eagerly willing to make a commitment, to your union and to her to honor, respect and cherish her through all times, not just when it's convenient. And she in turn is ready and eager to commit to the marriage and to admiring, respecting and appreciating you as her life partner.

Q: My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. Recently we went out again twice. Since then I haven't heard from him. It's been two weeks. How do I hold on waiting for him to call? Something inside of me thinks that he is either not in love with me or is afraid to fall in love with me again. If that's the case, why should I wait for someone who's not in love with me.

It's really been hard to get him out of my mind. When I think of him, it feels like he fills up the space between my words. I know I'm complete, but it feels that when we're together, he completes me.

But it also feels like I'm wasting energy and time thinking about him. Based on results, he hasn't called, so how much can he miss me? And how much is he really thinking of me.—Should I Call?

Dear Should I Call,
Do not call him. I know how you're feeling, I've been there. It's not a pretty place waiting by the phone and not knowing if and when he'll call. In your mind you're probably saying, at least if I make the call I'll get to talk to him and I won't have to wait around anymore. Girlfriend, believe me when I say, if you make the call you'll regret it. And you'll lose your self-respect. If you haven't heard from him, move on. His loss. If he wants you, he knows where to find you.

Listen to your intuition. If he doesn't love you or is afraid to 'love you then its time to move on. Remember the golden rule: You only love men who love you.

In the meantime, start being true to you by treating yourself with the respect you expect and deserve from a man.

What should you do? Fill your days and every minute of your time with this mantra. If he isn't the one, then there will be someone better around the corner. You have to believe it! Know it! Live it! Breathe it.

Remember, don't call him. But do remember to smile and acknowledge yourself for you respecting you.

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