Friday, April 11, 2008

Old and New Dating, Relating, and Mating Rituals

It's tough being single, in the trenches and on the front lines. Dating is hell, you have to go out with lots of frogs and ducklings, and you're highly susceptible to that dreaded singles' disease called Loneliness. Those who believe the cure for loneliness is "a" relationship, usually catch Desperately Single Disease, where they try everything to "get" a date because they desperately don't want to be single anymore.

Some suffer from Relationship Fit At Any Cost Syndrome. They are determined to make their relationship fit because they want "it" so badly. Women who pick success objects, men who pick sex objects, people who want committed relationships but repeatedly pick commitment phobics, or those who settle for anybody or should I say any body, just so they don't have to be alone, wonder why they're not happy. Could it be that they pick the wrong person or are in the wrong relationship?

Millions of singles suffer from these diseases. To find a cure, they move at warp dating speed, only to discover they've made a terrible choice in partners...again.

The problem with the current dating, relating and mating rituals is that they aren't a cure for loneliness. Here's what's wrong with them:

Dinner isn't foreplay, sex isn't a replacement for intimacy, pseudo-intimacy isn't the same as real intimacy-- even though it looks like it.

If you want an adult and deep meaningful relationship, date men who like being men instead of dating men who like being little boys. Boys have no depth, men do. Boys and Peter Pan don't want to grow up; men accept and embrace being grown up.

Emotions shouldn't rule. Doesn't anyone play Connect the Dots of Behavior anymore? It's amazing what happens when emotions fall away and the facts of behavior reveal themselves. Oooh! I hate when that happens.

Bonding is different for a man and a woman. For each, it occurs at different times in a relationship and creates different expectations. A woman bonds with her body and a man bonds with his cars, sports, and electronic toys. After having sex with a man, a woman feels bonded to him. A man only feels bonded to her once he commits to the relationship. The problem is that both parties delude themselves into thinking they have the identical views of the ritual of bonding. Don't you hate it when you're the last one to know?

Are you tired of this dreaded singles' disease? Try a new, but really very old, dating, relating and mating ritual called courting. Courting is when you first dance the dance with someone vertically and not horizontally. Courting is creatively engaging all of you, not just select parts. In courting you flirt, talk, get to know your date's mind before you get to know their body, make friendship an integral part of moving the relationship forward, and let that first delicious kiss be a meal unto itself, not merely an appetizer while you're waiting to get started on the main course.

Courtship is way more fun than dating. Unlike dating, with courting, you have a better chance of breaking that serial monogamy cycle because a man gets to be the man and real male, while a woman gets to be her feminine self.

Courting is more risky than the current method of dating, but it's also more rewarding. Both are at risk. He, because he's on the front lines taking the initiative and risking rejection all the time. Maybe she won't like the restaurant he picks or laugh at his jokes, or like the flowers, or says "no" when he asks her out. She, because she has to wait to be asked out. What if he doesn't ask? Then he doesn't ask and they don't go out. End of story! In courting, women are not the pursuers, they are the pursued.

In courting, women are feminine not feminist. Unfortunately the aggressive, alpha female types today can't handle the waiting to be asked to dance. Haven't they figured it out yet? They're smart, sexy, successful but alone, lonely and desperate because the old dating, relating and mating rituals don't work. Oh, by the way, Gloria Steinhem, one of the moms of the feminist movement just got married, for the first time at age 66. Good for her, but do you want to wait that long?

The benefits and joy of courting and being courted can be summed up this way. A man, when he makes a woman happy, becomes extremely pleased with himself. He struts around like a peacock. He is proud of himself, and he should be, because it took a man to do a man's job and he did it. He alone feels responsible for her happiness. In courting, a man consciously tries to make a woman happy, realizing that everything he does is to gain her attention and affection, unlike the old dating ritual where dinner is his idea of foreplay.

When a woman is courted, she feels special and safe. She knows that he even likes her when she's vertical. In courting, a man vies for a woman's attention, so she doesn't have to question if she's the dessert. For when a guy courts a woman, he is honoring all of her feminine parts, not just the ones that stand out.

When a guy makes a woman feel special, she just opens herself up to him even more, showering him with more admiration, respect and appreciation for even the smallest things he does for her. He feels like a winner because she makes him feel that everything he does is terrific. And so he continues to court her and do even more for her because he wants to continue to make her happy. When she's happy, he becomes her "main man." The courting ritual certainly changes dating, relating and mating.

Are you sick of revolving door dating? Tired of being lonely and desperate? Try the new dating, relating and mating ritual called courting. It worked for me, it may work for you. Guys, it's your job to troll, to find and court the gals. Ladies, give the guys a break and let them court you. You just do your job; stop trying to do theirs too! Let the courting begin.

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