If you want love, give love. If you want better sex, first be a better partner and then you'll be a better lover.
Here are some ways to be a better partner and a better lover:
1. Don't hold a grudge and never go to sleep angry. It doesn't matter how angry you are, make peace. Otherwise, you'll continue to build up resentment which could turn one simple issue into major drama, which could result in creating a chasm and causing a downward spiral in your relationship.
2. Listen to your partner; don't second guess him or her. Don't make assumptions about what he is thinking or she is feeling. Ask them to communicate with you. Then shut your mouth and listen for the answers. You partner will tell you what they want and don't want, if you give them half a chance and you make them feel safe enough to tell you.
3. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. What you don't want is a failure to communicate. Couples who communicate and who are willing to talk with each other generate more emotional intimacy between them and strengthen their bonds. The greater the closeness and emotional intimacy, the greater the sex. The reason for this is that sex becomes lovemaking - an expression of how the two feel about each other.
4. Make your partner right. Don't make your partner wrong in order to feed your own ego. When it comes to relationships and sex, we all take things personally. We're all afraid of being vulnerable…and rejected. We're all afraid of doing it wrong.
Therefore, make it your intention to love your partner (even in that moment when you don't like him or her and even when he or she does something that really pisses you off). Love is very powerful and quite healing. We've all done some stupid things in the name of love and we're all capable of doing some wonderful things in the name of love. Focus on being extraordinarily loving.
5. Remember why you fell in love with him or her. In fact, write down all the reasons that you love him or her. Then give the list to your partner for a birthday, anniversary or…just because you want to show your love.
6. Be vulnerable emotionally and physically. Let your partner into your life, into your inner life. Let your partner know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what stimulates you intellectually and physically, what you think about, your dreams, what turns you on, your favorite place to have sex, your favorite positions, your fantasies, your hopes and your fears.
7. Be authentic with each other.
8. When you're with each other, revel in your time together. Don't take each other for granted. Treasure each other. Create special real-moments. Create life-snapshots. Do something different.
9. Be romantic. Don't be afraid to show your love and affection for each other.
10. Always make your partner feel special, especially on those bad hair and bad life days.