Friday, April 11, 2008

Foreplay is more than an appetizer, it's a meal.

I admit it. I love foreplay. Most women do and I'm a woman, so call me biased. And I believe that men do too, despite that old stereotype (which, by the way, does have a modicum of truth to it) that the only foreplay a man needs is for a woman to show up. In fact, I have found that there's a direct correlation between a man's interest in foreplay and the length of time it takes him to get ready for a date.

I know what you're thinking, but foreplay isn't just a prelude to having sex. In fact, according to Merriam-Webster College Dictionary, foreplay is any "action or behavior that precedes an event." Therefore, arguing, making love, having sex, talking, or tolerating another's behavior towards you are various forms of foreplay. To put it simply, foreplay leads to something happening and each of these actions creates a reaction. Look at the following:

Fact: 90% of an argument has nothing to do with the subject being argued.
Foreplay: Behind most arguments are feelings of not being valued and validated.


Fact: People treat you the way you let them.
Foreplay: You have to teach people how to treat you.


Fact: Many experts believe women have sex to talk and men talk to have sex.
Foreplay: Sex and talk can be means to an end, therefore synonyms for foreplay.


Fact: Many experts believe women have sex to talk and men talk to have sex.
Foreplay: Sex and talk can be means to an end, therefore synonyms for foreplay.


Fact: Foreplay is not optional.
Foreplay: There's a direct connection between the value and quantity of the foreplay in your relationship and the quality of your relationship.


Foreplay is communicating, the thought that goes into doing something, taking pleasure in giving to someone else, the sharing of both sexual and emotional intimacy, and fulfilling another's needs. It sets the stage and creates the mood. And we all know that there's nothing better than when both are in the mood. In a good, healthy relationship, foreplay isn't the appetizer, it's the meal. And, everything that comes after it is the dessert.

Just for the record, I want to bust that popular myth about women, sex and talking are both wonderful forms of foreplay.

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