Friday, April 11, 2008

Dating, Sex and Love! Rubbing Toes. Finding "That Connection!"

Everyone I know wants that special someone to rub toes with under the covers when you go to sleep. It's "that connection." It's the knowing that that special someone is there. We all long to feel it with someone. The question is how do you get it and how do you keep it?

With life moving as fast as it is today, we often expect everything to be at light speed, including dating, sex and love. The typical 21st Century dating scenario: You meet, there's chemistry, you think there's "that connection." You want to believe that maybe you are soul mates, so you jump right in. Instead of getting to know someone, it seems that after a few dates and feeling hot! hot! hot! you go straight from animal magnetism to animal mating. What ever happened to courting and being courted?

I hate to tell you this but even though chemistry and connection begin with the same letter, they are not synonymous. Chemistry is that intangible "hmmm something" that you can't quite put your finger on. It either happens or doesn't when two people meet.

Chemistry may be instant, fiery and hot. Oooh! Or it may be warm at first and slow to boil, but given time, could really heat up. But too often, because you don't or can't wait, you get burned really bad or you miss out on something that might have been good had you let it develop. At times like that say to yourself, "thanks for playing the poor character judgment game"

You do dating like you do your life. If you're accustom to fast food, then you don't wait for something to cook. And you also probably forget what happens when you play with fire. Could that be why your relationships become dating fiascoes instead of fine dining?

Isn't it time you had a five star meal? You can hurry dating and sex, but not connection. That takes time. Connection is the coming together. I'm not talking about what happens in one night or overnight. And you don't get it by having multiple emails either.

Connection is a process by which you create intimacy. Emotional intimacy only happens when you get to know each other. And that takes time, unless you're with someone who has no more depth than a palm tree, which has none. This may sound really old fashioned, but there's a reason why courting works. It creates connection. It offers the opportunity to do that magnificent dating dance. There are at least five steps to the dance: Enjoy the dance. Take your time, don't rush the process. Enjoy THE date. Enjoy your date for who he or she is and let your date enjoy you. Let yourself connect and be connected.

Dating is the one chance you get to fall in love with your partner for who he or she is. Your partner entertains you and is entertaining·just because. You don't have a lot of expectations in the beginning because things are new and refreshing. You're new and refreshing to your partner.

Once you start sleeping together, expectations change. You say, "no they won't." Who are you? The Lone Ranger? Are you always in denial? Of course expectations change after sex. If you don't build a strong, intimate connection before the sex begins, then there's a really great chance that you will stop meeting each other's needs and start taking each other for granted after having sex.

The building blocks of the house of love are chemistry, 'connection and commitment. Its the courtship that provides a strong foundation. Spend the time to get to know each other and build some real emotional intimacy before you jump into bed. It's the courtship that creates "that connection." It's amazing what can happen when you learn to like and love your partner before you make love to him or her.

When chemistry meets connection, watch your dating life go from woe to wow! Who's that rubbing your toes? Oooh! And who knows what could happen, you just may fall in love·again·and again·with the same person.

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