Saturday, April 12, 2008

Dating Dry Spells

Dating can make you crazy. Dating can be hell. It definitely causes temporary insanity and can make you lose perspective. You meet someone online, get fixed up, or finally the person you've been dying to go out with says yes. You build up all these expectations about the date. Inside you're hoping and perhaps praying that this date will be the one - your last first date. You go on the date and it turns out to be a disaster. The two of you just aren't going to be the dynamic duo and neither are your next five or ten dates. You've had it with dating. It's time to take a break.

Perhaps you just ended a relationship that devastated you. Before you go back into the dating trenches, you make a decision to take some time to heal your heart. Maybe you're fed up with the whole dating scene, so you buy a dog or a kitten or two kittens. You want company, just not the two legged kind right now.

Everyone gets frustrated. It's all part of dating. When you have a string of bad dates or lousy relationships, there's nothing wrong with taking a break from dating. In fact, it's healthy. Instead of spending the time with some bodies you don't want to be with, you can devote 100% of your time to your favorite person - you!

You can do all things you love that your ex didn't want to do. You don't have to put up with inane small talk from a series of bad dates; you can spend time with your girlfriends or buddies. I recommend that you take yourself out of circulation when you feel that being out in the dating trenches is too much. Take a week, two weeks, a month, or even several months. But give yourself a date when you're going to get back into the dating game.

The problem is that once you stop dating too long, you get comfortable not dating at all. You even get lazy. Since your last dating experience, the one that caused you to take the hiatus in the first place, was less than stellar, you're in no hurry to repeat any more of those dating debacles. So you delay and delay and delay. Pretty soon, three months have gone by. Then it's six months. Then it's a year. And the pages of the calendar keep turning.

Finally you decide you're ready. You want to have a date! You're ready to meet your soul mate. There's just a small problem. You've been out of circulation so long that the dating dry spell has become a drought. You haven't a clue how to get back into circulation. Here's what to do:

  • Call or email everyone you're fairly close to. Announce to them that you're available. You're back in circulation. And you're ready to be fixed up.

  • Attend lectures, seminars, book signing and other places that active people go. You want to go out with people who already have a life. You don't want to be with anyone who is waiting for his or her life to begin. (When you were in a dating holding pattern you were one of "those" waiting for your love life to begin. Were you fun? Were you available? I don't think so! Most people, when they are sitting on the fence are happy sitting on the fence. They really don't want to connect with someone, other wise they would get off the fence.)

  • Place a personal ad online. There are millions of people looking for love online. It's a great way to practice getting back into circulation. Who knows? You could meet your soul mate online. There are many terrific stories with happy endings. If fact, there's a great newsletter called Mook's Personals, which publishes stories of people who have looked for love online.

  • Do something you've wanted to do but haven't. Get the fires of passion stirring within you.

  • Volunteer.

  • Don't give up. No matter how many frogs or frogettes you have to kiss on your way to finding your prince or princess, in the end, it will be worth it. There is nothing more wonderful in this world than loving someone and being in a wonderful, healthy and loving relationship. It's your choice. Dating dry spells will only become droughts if you let them.

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