You build up all these expectations and what happens, you get crushed, you don't like your date, you have a bad time, you have a great time but you never hear from him again, you have a great time and she said she had a great time too so you ask her out again and she says no. Or, you're crazy about her but it's not mutual. You're in love with him but he's not ready to commit. Or the cycle begins...you start to date...then you get in a relationship...but then there's problems which you just can't work out...so you break up. Then there's the pain and suffering of breaking up! Then you have to start all over again with someone new which means putting yourself on the front lines...again!
Dating is like being Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. He keeps repeating the same day over and over and over again, until he gets it right. That's pretty much what we all do in dating, isn't it? Think about this, you keep dating and dating and dating until two things happen: 1. you find your prince or princess charming and 2. you learn how to keep the love you found. Rent the movie if you haven't seen it.
Tips for Being a Dating Survivor and a Thriver
- Dating is a necessary evil like flossing and paying taxes.
- Be patient and persevere. You're going to kiss a lot of frogs and ducklings until you find your prince or princess charming. Don't give up until you're in a great relationship. As John Paul Jones, an American naval officer once said," we have just begun to fight." (and no, he wasn't talking about his wife)
- In order to find true love you have to date. People who you don't know, just don't come knocking on your door looking for you. Is that because they don't know where you live? No, it's because they don't even know you exist. Besides, didn't you learn to share as a kid?
- You're going to get rejected a lot! That's part of the process. It's not easy, but get used to it. Always hope for the best but expect rejection, accept it and move on if it happens. When it happens, pick yourself up and recite this mantra "men and women are like trains, another one will be along in a few minutes."
- You're going to get your heart broken. Get lots of crazy glue to put it back together. Being a part of the walking wounded isn't highly attractive to others.
- Dating is risky but take the risk. Remember, you're not the lone ranger, dating is scary for everyone. We all have such fragile egos when it comes to dating and relationships. No one likes to put themselves out there and risk getting their hearts stomped on.
Remember, no risk, no reward!. Risks often pay off handsomely. But nothing happens if you do nothing. Here's a good way to evaluate a dating or potential dating situation. Use this equation to determine what the benefit will be if you have the courage to risk.
is the reward greater than the risk or is the risk greater than the reward
- If there's someone you want to get to know better or ask out, then do it. Be proactive -- say hello, be social or ask them out. At the end of the day or at the end of your life, the only regrets you will ever have will be for the things you didn't do. So you might as well go for the gold in the Olympics of Dating.
- Be approachable and inviting, no matter where you are. Have the attitude that you're a date magnet. I know it sounds silly, but it works. Here's a hint: continually work on your attitude. When you feel good on the inside it shows on the outside and you will become the date magnet.
- Potential dates are everywhere. Ladies practice your flirting. Men will approach you, but only after you give them a sign that it's okay to enter enemy territory -- that is, to come over. Guys practice your approach and your opening lines. You don't know how many gals want you to come over and talk to them. But please, be a little creative and customize the line for the woman and the situation.
- What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Dating will brings out your worst fears and all your issues. It doesn't matter if you're if you're shy, inexperienced or been dating for years, fat, skinny,18 or 80, everyone has relationship issues. It's usually better to confront your fears and take a risk.
- Approach each date like it is your last first date.
- When asking someone out or going out on a date, it's not a life or death situation, it's just a date. You will survive because you're a dating survivor and thriver.
- Keep your hopes high and your expectations low on the first date. Hope that it is your last first date, but don't expect it.
Whatever happens, don't take it personally.
- Every date is a practice test until you meet the person of your dreams—then you're in the finals.
- Have fun. It's your life