This post should help you zero in on the reasons why your social life and relationships are less than awesome. After reading this column, if you really want to change your love life status, give yourself an early holiday gift - set up a coaching session with me. The holidays are almost here and you don't want to spend them alone, do you?
Are you tired of being single? Frustrated that nothing's working? That no matter what you do, you can't seem to find someone to have a relationship? Remember, it only takes one other person to create a relationship. So, all you need to do is find or attract that other person.
Throw away the laundry list. Identify what you consider Mr. or Ms. Right, list the 5 qualities he or she must have. These are called your Deal Maker List. Then list the 5 qualities he or she must not have. This is your Deal Breaker List. You're going for the essentials. Everything else is negotiable. When you receive a gift, what excites you more? The wrappings or the present inside?
Start Flirting. Now that you know the kind of person you're looking for, start becoming more aware of the men and women around you and whom you encounter. Start flirting. In fact, this week flirt with at least 5 people of the opposite sex. Challenge yourself to flirt with the kind of man or woman you would like to be in relationship with.
Take a Dating Risk. You have nothing to lose but your loneliness and dinners for one. I know it seems risky to do something that makes you uncomfortable, but that's the only way you're going to grow and date better.
Get out a sheet of paper and draw a box. Now draw a stick figure inside that box. That's you - you live in a box. Color in the box so there's no empty space - there's no more room for you in the box. Draw a stick figure outside the box - that's you. I know it seems scary to be outside your box, you're never going to be a good relationship or meet your soul mate if you stay in your box. There's not enough room in the box for both of you. You see, the box is filled with you and your history of unsuccessful dating and the wrong relationships.
By going outside the box, you can leave your dating history behind. By going outside your box, you can now start creating a new dating history.
De-clutter Your Mind to Make Room for a New Relationship. It's a good idea to de-clutter your home in order to make room for a partner, but first de-clutter your mind. You can't bring someone new in if you're still living in the past. Two people can't occupy the same space - so if you're still obsessing about your ex, stop thinking about him or her. If you two really were the dynamic duo, you would still be together. Can't stop yourself and your thoughts? Use some "cosmic white-out." Make a list of all the things that didn't work in the relationship, all the qualities you dislike in your ex, and all the things you wished you had had in the relationship - but didn't. This list could begin with the words "if only…"
Change Your Beliefs About You, Dating and Relationships. This is the most critical. You don't get what you want in this world, you get what you believe you can have. If you really believe that you'll always be single, then you'll probably stay single. You'll sabotage yourself and your actions in order to validate what you believe deep down - which is that you'll never find him or her, that you're not good enough, that all the good ones are taken, or whatever story you tell yourself - to keep you out of a relationship.
Are you really tired of being single? Then change your consciousness. I'm not talking about this new age self-help positive thinking stuff, I'm talking about making real and lasting changes. Most self-help, dating and relationship books, CDs, tape series, and workshops offer quick band-aid fixes. You're fine for two months and then you revert back to your old self. It's kind of like dying your hair. Your hair is naturally brown, but you decide to become a blonde. You dye your hair but then 30 days later the roots come in brown. What happened? Why didn't your hair stay blonde? And why are you still single?
Set up a coaching session and learn how to use my relationship formula BTAtm to change your beliefs and have a happier and more satisfying social life. In order to have your life be different, you have to really identify the underlining beliefs that are holding you back. Then you need to apply my Belief-Trust-Action Formula tm. It's been working really well for my clients to help them de-clutter their minds and change their consciousness and beliefs. If your consciousness is that you'll believe it (meaning a date or a relationship) when you see it - you'll never have a happy, fulfilling relationship. You need to change your consciousness to believing it will happen and then you will see it happen.
Without changing your consciousness, you won't find or attract that special someone. I don't care how many parties you attend, how much you go trolling for women, go to the gym, get plastic surgery, put personal ads on all the Internet dating sites, wear the trendiest clothes and hairdos, and try to learn all the dating tricks, you're doomed to be single unless you identify the real reasons you're not in a relationship.
But identifying your negative beliefs isn't enough. You then have to do something constructive in order to start having different thoughts and beliefs.