Friday, April 11, 2008

Are You Relationship Material?

Okay, you've got the shopping list of what you're looking for in a soul mate, but are you what that person is looking for? Let me make it simple for you, what do you have to offer? Go through the following criteria checklist to see if you are good dating material, good relationship material, (there is a difference between being dating material and being relationship material) and really ready for love.

Availability: First of all, do you want to date or have a relationship? Remember, the qualities you seek in a partner and a date are very different, so know which you want. Let's say that the "it" relationship appeared in your life today, would you be available for it? Get clear in your own mind what you truly desire and set your priorities. What is more important than finding or having a good relationship right now?

Mental Attitude: How do you feel about yourself? Would you go out with you? If the answer is no, you're not good dating material… at least not at this moment. And if you do date with this kind of attitude, you're going to come across as desperate and willing to settle for anyone who will have you. That's not very healthy.

You have to love yourself before someone else can. The reason self-love must come first is because you have to know how it feels to be loved, so that when someone offers their love you can recognize it and feel it. And, if the other person's love doesn't measure up to your self-love and your expectations about how you want to be loved, then you're with the wrong person. So, all love begins with you. Loving yourself is a choice; it's a decision. Silly as it sounds, it's the same decision making process you use to decide which flavor of Ben and Jerry's ice cream to have.

What's your general attitude about life? Do you walk around positive or negative? Being neutral qualifies you as boring and definitely bad dating material. Negative people are not attractive to be with. They drain your energy, make lousy dates and horrible mates. If your attitude about dating is negative, you will attract negative dating experiences. If you believe there are no good men or women left to date, you're right — everything you do will continue to make you right. So answer this question, do you want to be right? or do you want to date and be in a great relationship? It all starts with your attitude.

Physically: I'm not talking about the issue of beauty here, because beauty is totally subjective and strictly in the eyes of the beholder, but are you physically fit, attractive, well groomed, and have good posture? Do you like your body? You should, it's the only one you have. If you're not crazy about how you look, stop whining. Do something about it – start exercising, change your diet, get a new hairstyle, or get some new clothes. How you feel about yourself shows up in how you present "the body that you have" to the world.

Emotionally: Are you emotionally healthy? Are you over past relationships, open to and ready for a new love, or are you carrying excess emotional baggage around on wheels? You know you are emotionally fit and good dating/relationship material when you stop torturing your dates with the boring ex story.

Core Values: Who are you and what are your values? What's really important to you? You say you want someone who has integrity, is honest, responsible, reliable, kind, compassionate, considerate and has a conscience. Do you have those traits? Do you live your life based on the principles you deem important? Do you set higher or lower standards for your date or partner? And if you do, why?

Deal Breakers: Take inventory. Do you tolerate certain qualities in yourself but find them unacceptable in a potential partner? For example, you don't want someone who is controlling, but it's okay for you to be controlling, or, you're going for the package but you want someone to want to be with you for what's in the package. Here's a hint about becoming better dating material -- get rid of the double standards and toss the holier than thou attitude.

Now that you know the criteria to be good dating and relationship material, I hope you'll have better luck finding a good date or your soul mate.

As you're in the dating trenches, remember, "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

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