Friday, April 11, 2008

10 Ways to Get People to Like You

This is the holiday and you know what that means! Party time. There's nothing better than a great party and there's nothing worse than being at a party where you know no one. It's scary being in a room full of strangers. I know, I've been there. Follow these tips and discover how quickly you begin to connect with people and how easy it is getting people to like you. The key is to practice, practice, practice with everyone you meet and everywhere you go. And don't worry if you don't get it right the first time. Just keep on practicing. You might want to keep a scorecard and a journal of your success in getting people to like you.

  1. Have a positive attitude about yourself. Before you walk into the party, believe that you're worth getting to know. If you need to, before the party, make a list of your assets. It will help increase your self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself it shows. People respond to your energy. When you're positive you're a people magnet. When you think negatively, your energy reflects your thoughts and you repel people - people just want to run quickly the other way.

  2. The words you speak are filled with your energy and attitude. Your words have a vibration that is either pleasant and nice or unpleasant and harsh to the ear. So your intent comes through in the tonality of your words. That's why someone sometimes can "hear what you're thinking".

  3. Be authentic and open. When you act natural, people respond in a more genuine way. It also makes them feel more at ease. People automatically respond to body language so keep your body open. Smile first, initiate eye contact, and extend your hand first. If you're alone, tell people that you?re alone and that you don't know anyone. They'll be amazed at your honesty, openness and vulnerability. And people like to be helpful, so they will want to make you feel welcomed.

  4. Display an attitude. Are you going "To be or not to be?" To get people to like you be friendly, enthusiastic, interested in them, warm, open and curious. The fast way for people not to like you is to be intentionally intimidating, sarcastic, loud, rude, angry, impatient, crude, impolite, monopolize the conversation, or only talk abut yourself. When Emerson said, "Who you are speaks volumes," he was referring to the fact that your attitude speaks volumes about who you are. People decide whether they want to get to know you based on your attitude and how you relate to them.

  5. Start the conversation with a statement that the other person or people can immediately identify or agree with and then ask open ended questions only. For example, a great beginning line at a party here is "People here are so friendly," or "What a great party." Follow it up with a who, what, how, why, or where question such as "How do you know the hostess?" That gives the person the opportunity to start up a conversation. Don?t ask closed-ended "yes or no" questions. They are the kiss of death. If you ask, "Do you know the hostess?" and the person says, "Yes," there?s no place for the conversation to go. The idea is to promote an ongoing conversation.

  6. Listen. Be a good listener. People love to talk about themselves, so let them. At the end of a conversation when you let them do all the talking, they will turn around to you and tell you how great it was to talk with you. In fact, they will tell you how interesting you are.

  7. Model or mirror the other person's behavior, body language and body movement, and voice. Don't be overt about it, do it subtly. People like and are drawn to people like themselves. So if you're seated at a dinner party and the person across from you leans forward - you lean forward; you?re standing and talking to a person who has their hands in their pockets or is talking with their hands - mirror their body movements. Mirror the tone, patterns, and cadence of their voice. If it's slow, speak slower, softer - be softer, etc.

  8. Use humor. Guys usually tell the jokes and women are to laugh at them. Okay, once in a while ladies you can be the center of attention and tell the jokes, but don't make this standard operating procedure because you're then taking on the male role.

  9. Men are usually visual so paint pictures with your words. Many women are kinesthetic and about touchy-feely. However, men and women can be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. Remember who you are talking to you and what you?re talking about.

  10. Have fun. You only live once. And if you screw up, so what! Think of the next party and how terrific you will be.

If you have any great tips for getting people to like you, please send them to me. Try these tips. They work. They really work. Pretty soon, before you know it, you will start sounding like the actress Sally Field, who said in her Oscar acceptance speech, "They like me, they really like me."

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