Monday, March 24, 2008

How To Use Jealousy - Wisely!

Jealousy is a powerful emotion that few of us are resistant to. Men especially fall prey to the emotion that seldom benefits them. Some of us realize that our boyfriend's jealous minds can sometimes lead to benefits to us we didn't expect. Trying to recreate these benefits with the same man or even a different one may seem like a good idea. Who wouldn't want the extra attention, or to invite our man to recognize how much he appreciates us?

Ay, but here's the rub?the simple desire to bring him closer by playing on his insecurities can easily backfire. His fragile ego makes him more sensitive than he appears. Making him too jealous is the last thing you want - inevitably it leaves us worse off, leaving us further away from him, and may start a cycle of distrust.

So the question is, can jealousy be used in a positive way? Yes it can! It can help him realize how much he appreciates both you and his relationship with you. What you want to do is just start him thinking about your not being around as much, and even start him thinking that, without his appreciation, you may start looking for someone who will show you the appreciation you deserve.

Here's how: The trick is subtlety! And of course this means that you start his mind moving based on thoughts, not actions!

For Example: You and he always go out on Friday nights; you bicker over what to do, or end up seeing whatever local theaters are playing. What does this mean to him? "She'll be there, waiting for me to pick her up, I hope there's a good action movie playing, or maybe she won't want to go and I can hang out with the guys." So this time when he calls on Friday you simply don't pick up the phone, or when he calls you explain that you'd rather not go tonight there's a book that you just can't put down - and when he calls later that night (he will) you definitely don't pick up the phone.

Of course when he catches up with you in a day or two and wonders where you've been over the weekend you were "just taking care of errands, hanging out with your girlfriends etc." Meanwhile he was thinking all sorts of things we can't even imagine.

Don't bother to try and fuel his imagination by being coy or misleading. His imagination is already hard at work. Put his fears to rest or this is where the distrust starts. And of course never insinuate that it was all to give him a moment to be jealous. Let him suffer a little and act like you never even noticed, other wise he will feel you are trying to play games with him and that you got the best of him.

Other examples include:

  • Stop checking your answering machine in front of him
  • Not mentioning every single place you went that day or that week, wait until he asks
  • Getting someone to make eye contact with you, and respond to you without letting your man seeing you initiate this contact. He'll just see someone staring at you
  • Have friend mention someone was asking about you - male of course.

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