Friday, November 28, 2008

Sex is like good conversation

It’s not what you say, but how you say it. And who among us couldn’t benefit from a few elocution lessons?

The earlier sizzle, when men were so eager to show off their sexual prowess, was long past. Women are taught to let men take the lead, which is fine. But as we all know, men, and their penises, have limited attention spans and need constant entertainment. Sure, men have sporadic flashes of genius. But for the most part, sex could be reduced to kiss, touch, kiss, touch, kiss, pounce …

“That was great for me, was it great for you?” The familiarity of lying side by side with a couple of smooches and caresses is fine, but a little variation to perk up Mr. Stiffy is always a welcome change.

Everybody knows the basics.

Taking up these techniques while you’re dating will surely lead to a quick proposal of marriage. Introducing our tips if you’re married or in a long-term relationship will, undoubtedly, lead your partner to suspect you’ve been getting special coaching on the side. Tell him you have. Tell him whatever you want. But think of this book as your personal trainer, at a fraction of the cost.

“Can I see your tan lines?”

We offer this simple line because a question as this can get the ball rolling. When the opportunity to have sex presents itself, men don’t need cryptic, convoluted messages or fancy engraved invitations. On the other hand, they don’t want to be trampled like they’re in a subway at rush hour. So not so subtle is the key.

Let’s face it. Most women just don’t seem comfortable taking the suggestion of Marabella Morgan and greeting their partners at the door wrapped in plastic. Besides feeling like an idiot, you might end up looking like the last bologna sandwich left on the counter of 7-Eleven that no one wants to buy. Too subtle, like cooking a gourmet dinner at home, will only make him feel full and much too guilty about wanting to jump your bones after you’ve worked so hard. The way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but in this case you’re shooting for parts a bit lower.

Besides the tan-line, other tried and true lines you might use are:

  • To your banker boyfriend: “Wow, you’re been working out. Make a muscle.”
  • To your hippie English professor: “Do you really have a peace sign tattooed on your thigh?”
  • To your buttoned-down accountant: “Wait a second … let me get that thread off your pants.”
  • To your doctor: “Would you mind taking a look at this bite for a second?”
  • To your new friend at the bar: “I have to go. Will you walk me home/can you drop me off?”
  • To the delivery guy: “Just a minute, my handbag’s in the bedroom”

The variations are endless. Most men are bright enough to take the cue. All you have to do is come up with a line that works for you … this book teaches you all about it.

Just grab it

We’ve had numerous conversations about when you’ve gotten the guy into striking distance but are unsure about what to do next. Sure, you can look up into his eyes with a sexy come-hither glance. You can throw your arms around his neck and deliver a deep, wet kiss. Or you can slowly and seductively massage the knots out of his neck or back. These might work, but in the end, there is only one method that is absolutely fail-safe:

Take a deep breathe, emit slow, audible exhale, look into his eyes and just grab it.

You’re probably saying to yourself that he’ll think you’re a slut. Rest assured that any bad thoughts will be quickly dispelled by the novelty of your taking the lead and by your awesome performance. This WILL make him happy. A little ladylike initiative can go a long way. “Just Grab It” is more than a piece of advice.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Bedroom - Preparing The Love Nest

You look and feel spectacular, so the next step is to prepare a riveting meeting space. You may think that he doesn't care about setting as long as he's getting you, but that's not completely true (Do you remember Ross from FRIENDS with the gorgeous woman in her rat-infested apartment?) The magic, excitement and thrill will start to seep away as soon as something becomes uncomfortable or falls apart.

So, again, you must take control. Design a space that will be yours (and his if you wish) to command and shine in. It is important that in your preparation, you have considered the importance of some of the 'tools of the trade.' With these tools, the tricks to passion will be at your fingertips, and it will appear that you exude this knowledge and confidence effortlessly.

Bed Basics

The most important tool in your repertoire is your bed. You should consider the bed's size, height, style and position in the room.

If you can afford it and have room for it, buy at least a queen-size mattress. Ideally, the bed frame should have no headboard or footboard to bang against. Height is also important as this can partially determine the ease of some of the intercourse options that may later be open to you. A high bed is not only dramatic, but also allows for a variety of exciting positions. Avoid futons and any mattress-on-the-floor options, as they can be torture on the knees. While some people love the idea of rocking the waves on a waterbed, be aware that waterbeds have rigid frames that can cause bruising and skin irritations.

Carefully consider your bed's position. If you've got the space, put the bed on a low platform in the center of your room. The bed will be elevated to a great height and accessible from any angle. If space dictates that you must have one side against a wall, make it your head-side! Nobody wants to be restrained from letting loose because they are afraid of hitting their funny - bone on the plaster wall.

Bedside Basics

If you plan to move your relationship past the kissing stage and into the bedroom, you should consider stocking your bedside table with a few 'basics' to simplify and intensify the passionate experience. Most of these items should be kept discreetly inside a drawer or flip-top open box and guilefully taken out if the appropriate time arises. The first critical bedside basic is, of course, are condoms. Next in line are lubricants. It is fine and even recommended to keep a pump bottle of lotion on top of the table but any specific lubricants such as KY jelly should be kept out of immediate sight. Also suggested for inclusion is a terry cloth washcloth (not tissues) for cleaning up the skin after any sticky act. After you read the following section, you may also decide to add a few adult toys to your bedside collection!

A note on setting the 'atmosphere' - if you plan on using candles to set the romantic mood be sure to keep them in glass holders out of hitting/kicking distance from the bed. The panic of a fire will not set either of your hearts racing for the right reasons! An alternative is to place your light switches (with dimming options) at accessible distances from your bed.


Even as women step into top-level management positions, take charge of their relationships with friends and lovers, and acquire more power in society as a whole, many are still unsure how to approach sex toys. Part of the stigma may be that they fear that they will have to go into seedy shops to check out the merchandise, while others worry that if they, their partners, and their sex lives were good enough, they wouldn't need these toys. Both of these concerns are unfounded.

Sex toys are called toys for a reason - they are fun. They can bring a person pleasure on his or her own, or enhance the strongest and most passionate intimate relationship. There does not have to be any embarrassment in the process of purchasing - if you don't want to go to a store, you can easily order by mail or over the Internet (and it'll be delivered to you in an unmarked envelope/box.)

Vibration Sensation

Perhaps the most versatile and popular of all sex toys is the vibrator. If you are looking to buy one, consider spending a little more money for more options. The plug-in variety generally has multiple speeds, which allows different plans for different demands.

Vibrators can be used on you, on him, or on both of you at the same time. If he likes to be in control (and you don't mind letting go,) give him the wand and let him make a little magic for you. You'll find that this does him good also, as he'll get off on your pleasure-induced moans.

If the tables turn, and you are giving him some manual or oral stimulation, you can enhance his pleasure by placing the vibrator on his backside. To put the vibrator to use during intercourse, it can be placed on your clitoris when the man is inside you, or it can be placed underneath you if you are lying on your stomach. In both of these positions, the vibrations will stimulate wild new sensations in both of you. The possibilities are many, and remember it's a toy, so feel free to play!

Feet massage - massaging is relaxing you for sex

Women all love to have their feet massaged, Its incredibly relaxing. It will be nice if he does this for you. Swap around so that one of the girls doesn’t get to do all the doing and not get “done” herself. Take turns in giving each others feet a good soft oily massage. Rub each others backs and shoulders, Proceed into oral sex from there and then when you are all very comfortable and relaxed and on top of the bed (sheets can be an irksome nuisance if there are the under them, dispense with them!) onto the gobbling fishes until you all climax.


This combination should be avoided at all costs. Its not good for us women, and not really good for him either. Everything reacts. I will tell you a gruesome story about this that will really put you off ever doing it with two or more men at the same time ever again, and that is good thing too.

I once, many years ago now, was asked to counsel a young lady who was in the habit of going with two or more men at the same time. She was a lovely girl. Recently divorced at the time and thought she would try to get her self esteem back by being the play thing of some boyfriends of hers who thought that she was good sport for letting herself be “gang banged” by these young men. The men were ignorant and didn’t know any better. The girl was ignorant too and she didn’t know any better either. But she was the one who paid for the ignorance. It wasn’t well advised. Not from a fun and games point of view. They all had fun and she was at all timers a willing participant. After all she would make the choice of her own volition to go round to her boy friend’s apartment, and he would arrange for two or three of his friends to be there and they would all fuck her, and they would all cum inside her. To cut a very long story short, she experienced serious inner vaginal dysfunctions that are a mystery top the medical profession.

What happened was that the semen of all these men is alive, and inside one woman, they are all fighting each other to inseminate her ovaries, whether they know they can or not. The different semen from each of the men fight each other while they are inside your. Even if it’s the semen of just two men, and even if those men are all pals. The semen doesn’t care. Once inside a woman’s vagina, the semen fight. This fighting of the semen creates an energy imbalance in her vagina, in her body and in her mind, it so happens. These are medical facts. Any woman who cares to use herself as a guinea pig for medical science will soon find out to her cost that this is what will happen.

In the end the poor girl had to have an operation resulting in a good portion of her rectum having to be surgically removed. Sorry to be so gruesome, but it’s a lesson. Now you know, you can save yourself the consequences and I would advise you to make sure that this is firmly understood by all your friends too. Many of these rectum, anal, and vaginal operations can be avoided if only women were aware that this is why they contract these terrible vaginal and rectal and womb conditions.

Sexual confidence and prowess

Certainly it makes for a very mature approach to sexuality and will indeed produce a great deal of sensual pleasure for all concerned. It will take his understanding of sexuality and himself to new-found heights. Women have a great deal of sexual gravity and not all men will have the necessary confidence and sexual prowess to be able to hand two women at the same time. Some will, and may be coming more from macho pride. But that feeling will pass with maturity. It has nothing to do with “fucking two birds” at the same time. It has to do with the art of love making, and practicing the reemerging sensual arts.

It maybe down to us women really to get this started properly. Men who find themselves in bed with two women are far less likely to feel that they are engaged in a fine art of love making, and much more inclined to think they are involved in a multiple shagging, one then the other experience.

It may in that case be a good idea to discuss it before hand, if this can be done in a mature way and without deadening the excitement of lovemaking. A little uncertainty makes for greater excitement. But a little preparation might go along way to “tuning him in” to what you have planned. He will need to be sexually potent and not tired, as this takes some energy and self-control on his part. Even go so far as to draw little stick diagrams for him, if you don’t have a handy tantric manual and show him the posture.

He may be a tantric expert in which case you are in luck. Don’t count on it. Call the posture the Gobbling Fishes so that you all know what you are talking about if there is a next time, and there should be.

Remember, that when it comes to the ancient arts of love making, we are all beginners. But as long as there is willingness to experiment, and a fair attitude towards each other’s process of sexuality, then how can you lose? You cannot.

Dealing with the emotions is another matter. In the ancient arts of Tantra, two women and one man can lead to a quarrel between the two women if it becomes evident that the man is taking more to one and not the other. This is the danger of repeating the experiment with the same “team”. That preference is going to be natural. The man will most likely start to gravitate towards one woman and slightly less one. He will tend to show that preference by the he chooses to cum inside. He may be a real stud and shoot his load into both of you.

The ideal number of women to share one man in a lovemaking act is, shockingly enough four women, and not two. Certainly the gobbling fishes can only be performed with one man and two women. But there may be four women present. That poor man will have to have a lot of sexual stamina.

The Shape Of Your Body, Your Face

Thin. Fat and Big Bummed. Hourglass body shape. Busty. Well proportioned. Long necked. Short waist. Long waist. Flat abdomen. Paunchy abdomen. Long legged. Short legged. Stumpy. Tall. Small. Medium build.

The truth is a man will want to have sex with most women if they are his type. His type is a pretty broad spectrum. Like he said, he is wired that way. He can be turned on by the idea of shagging six women in close succession. It's male prowess. Natural. He is genetically wired to have those desires. The rest is managing the sexual politics. But the grass root rules don’t change in the politics of attraction. You may have overheard men say in bars, I have to love her face to fuck her.

Now a woman will want him to say, it’s all in the personality. Not true. It’s a myth. Personality is not the first thing a man will go after. Sure, a woman may have a beautiful body and a beautiful face and if her personality is awful, she might not score with a man sensitive to personality. Good looks aren’t everything. But how you look is important. There are five thousand women's monthly magazines proving that point every month of the year. Half of all the books and magazines in print are sold on that one fact. Looks.

Listen to your voice. A voice can be modulated and trained and you can do it yourself. A man can be turned on by a voice and turned off by a face. Look at the billions made out of sex lines. The Voice of a Woman.

Some say a woman dress to outsmart other women. Maybe true in a few nutcases. But really, women dress for men.

Make them perfect, ladies. This is much more important than you may have ever thought. Pay close attention because getting this wrong on a first sexual encounter with a man could lead to disaster in all your future love making. It is vitally important that you get this right the first time. Why? Because first impressions, especially between men and women in a sexual encounter last a long, long time and it takes a lot of undoing a wrong first impression.

Women are more sensitive than men!

You may have noticed this about yourself. Women are much more sensitive to vibration. A woman can be turned on more by a vibration she is getting from a man than his physical appearance. We like a well-groomed man. We like a handsome man. We like a well turned out, well dressed, well-spoken, clever man. What woman doesn’t. We also like Joe Rough too. Jeans and cowboy hat. We like Mr. Adventurer, the James Bond types. We like the homely bared chap that isn’t going to leave us for another woman. But vibration we feel. One woman friend of mine went to see her lover at work one day and the man sitting next her lover across the room had a vibration so strong and so magnetic for her that she couldn’t help noticing.

She kept looking over at him. He hadn’t noticed her. He was busy vibrating at his own frequency, but that frequency was her wavelength all right. She could not help herself, she gravitated towards him and even touched his elbow to make her presence known to him. He saw her and their eyes locked for a fleeting second. In that second they both knew that if they could arrange to meet somewhere alone, that was going to end up in the bedroom, and fast. Maybe it wouldn’t last, but there were sparks all over the place. She was hot for him and once he became Aware of her he fancied her too. This is not to say that a woman fancies a man with her eyes and he is going to fancy her right back.


This is a big one for both men and women. Women fear it more, but I will tell you a secret: men fear it just as much. Fear of rejection can keep you alone indefinitely.

Another close friend of mine had that problem. She was duly over this man for years and she was scheming all sorts of ways to get him alone in her house. He was dashing, good looking, a heartthrob. If he were a Hollywood film star he would have been a sex icon. But she couldn’t see that. She just saw it as her own wish. She was to him however ugly and fat and revolting. That is an extreme example. But it’s a point worth making, in case you think that liking or being able to tune into a man’s vibration is all you need to conclude that he is going to fancy you too. Not necessarily.

That is the risk factor, the factor of rejection. No one can take rejection really. No one takes rejection well, and because of that both sexes are reluctant to chance their arm on sexual and emotional encounters that may mean rejection. It can and is always quite hurtful and painful. That is one reason why men sometimes go with whores for sexual release. They can pay for sexual release without fear of rejection. The same goes for women and male prostitutes. It’s a way around rejection.

Fear of rejection - how to cope with it ...

You can’t live your whole life in fear of rejection. You have to jump over the wall sometime, and you may as well recognize that fact, unless you want to be alone. If you really are frightened and cannot jump over the wall and meet people and start to enjoy normal sexual relations with a man, then you must seek and find appropriate help. There are many organizations that are designed to help women overcome fears of rejection.

They can be found in every community, on the Net, in the yellow pages and in Local Newspapers. You have to join these encounter Groups and get out there and make an effort to combat those stifling social traps. Never believe you are the only one who has any fear. There is always another one who has the same problem.


Fear of rejection is a wicked one because it can keep us alone. And this is something that can be helped.


Unless we have just got over a ghastly divorce and we are not ready, all of us, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or to each other are looking for love. Even in the most casual sexual flirtation, there is always that little voice whispering at the back of your mind, “could this man be the one for me?” Could he be Mr. Right?

Could he be my husband? Once you have shagged him, that feeling could grow more intense. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s genetically hard wired. We are always after Mr. Right. Mr. Permanent. Mr. Provider. We can’t help it. Its part of the Womanly condition and so it should be. Get comfortable with it. That is a condition that is unlikely to ever change. But men don’t think that whenever they shag a woman. Most women think they think as they do. Looking for Mrs. Right. He might be. But don’t count on it. He is most likely looking for another notch on his belt. He is most likely looking for a shag. Remember what I told you about the ram in a field full of sheep. He will shag the lot until he drops.

If you are the perfect fit, he might want to keep coming back for more. But don’t get all upset and hurt if he is into shagging you and then moving on. There is the risk. Sure, if you shag him half a dozen times you have every right to think there is something going on, a relationship. But it isn’t a good idea to start saving for your bottom drawer or looking meaningfully in Jewelry shop windows at the ring department. You start that too early in the game and even Mr. Right will get the message and may beat a hasty retreat. If he is into you and wants you he will let you know it. If you want him, that is. Here’s a really refreshing little tip for you. There is no such thing as lust. It is all love in his mind. It might be short lived, but it is love all the same. Long-range love is a different matter.

The quality of your sex life might be the determining factor.

Older Man And Younger Woman

This, believe it or not, works at the energy level. A woman can find love and happiness in an older man. The energy between them in this combination doesn’t harm her or him. Part of the reason why it does not ultimately work the other way round is that women go through a menopause where her hormones change in a very radical way. She can no longer bear children and her whole vibration level starts to change. A man can father children potentially, all his life. A man of 70 or 80 or even older can impregnate any woman of child bearing age, and that age starts when she is pubescent, and has her first period, as early as 12 or 13 in many cases. Most girls start menstruating by the time they are 14 years old, and any man can make her pregnant at practically any age.

This fertility combination is one reason why a man can have a relationship with a younger woman and it can work very successfully. We women tend to put out the propaganda in our own magazines, which we tend to edit and staff with members of our own sex, so naturally very biased and naturally unbalanced, that older men should not be fucking women half their age. But from an energy point of view there is no harm in it. A forty-year-old man can and does fuck women of twenty. A fifty-year-old man can and does fuck women in their early twenties. Many women who go with older men tend to be attracted to the father principle, the sugar daddy idea, the lure of protection, financial security, being looked after.

That is natural because a woman is genetically wired to nurture and a man’s attraction to her may be that he can protect and look after her. So there are social as well as genetic and psychological factors in favor of that dynamic. Whether we women as a gender want to approve of this, it happens, and will continue to happen whether we like it or not. Nature is a stronger force than the prevailing social conditioning, or current fashion in ideas on the subject. It is going to help us women lot to understand these natural forces and work with them rather than try to fight them or oppose them. Ultimately we cannot win against nature herself because wherever we do, the price is usually much higher than anyone can pay. That is something every woman who gets serious about a man should really keep in mind. Its never simple, but that is a very safe assumption to make. It stands to reason. A man’s mother is the strongest force in his life on the female front. If it’s a good solid liberating, understanding, compassionate relationship, he is going to be attracted to women who are like that. Few men, as few women, are really completely well adjusted. That is why there are so many psychiatrists, and so many relationship workshops.

How much do you weigh?

She was good. I woke up and realized that he was still talking to the same woman. It was a free call, so I wasn’t worried about the bill. I caught his eye on the call and he tried to push me away with his eyes. Nosy mother. I wrote down on a piece of paper one question for him to ask her: the question was nasty and very right. It was this:

How much do you weigh?

I pushed that piece of paper over to him. He read it. Looked at me. Then it occurred to him to ask this question.

He asked her.

Excuse me, mind if I ask you a question before we go any further? How much do you weigh?

The conversation was over in two minutes after having gone hey wire. She was an overweight telephone junky getting high on taking these young men in. It was the only kick she could get because she didn’t have the self-discipline to get her act together and lose weight and get to the real thing. My son never made that mistake never made that mistake again. He had a procedure after that. Age? Weight? Children? Meet tomorrow morning? That conversation lasted five minutes. He had ten appointments in an hour and one of them turned out to be something he was interested in. The same goes for ladies playing on telephone looking for love, dates, or just plain sex. Be candid, honest and meet. Quickly. You are much more likely to find someone that way.

Women Can Understand Women Better than Men Can Understand Women. Call it woman’s intuition if you like. But a woman can tune into another woman’s intentions with incredible speed. Women are cats with each other on the quiet. They get their claws into one man betide any other woman who tries to become a predator on her turf. Women can be very predatorily, and very possessive and very jealous of other women. And they can quite ruthless about it. I knew where that woman was coming from on the phone with my very experienced son, and I knew how to wake him up and burst his bubble faster too, in one stroke. But I was doing the both a favor. If my son had met her he would have realized that that relationship was not going to end up in bed. He did not like fat women. I knew that about him. I knew she was fat. Women’s intuition. Some men like fat women, and there is nothing wrong with being fat if you like being fat. Some men prefer fat women and actively look for fat women.

It is all a matter of taste. But I have never yet counseled a fat woman who was really happy to be fat. Many are jolly as a cover up for being fat. Live in the kitchen, and become fatter. Sex is a lot harder to enjoy if you have a lot of weight to carry around. Usually if fatness isn’t congenital or glandular it can be “cured” by emotional well-being. Women sometimes let go of themselves, especially after a disastrous love affair or a difficult separation. It takes a lot of will power and self-discipline to become a well slim and fit woman again. Women feel emotions in a different way from men.

Get you into bed - he will do everything

How to get him into bed ...

Think about it. A man will do almost anything to get you into bed if he knows that he has a better than even chance of achieving it. He will work, he will save, he will reschedule all his agendas, and he will fly across the world. He will re organize his life to get you into his bed, or yours. Just don't make it too difficult for him and try to increase your attraction ratio.


The primeval instinct of the mating instinct is in the scent of a woman. Remember that Al Pacino film? The scent is everything. Smell good and he will fuck you senseless and he won't quite know why.

The perfume companies are always looking for the ultimate scent that will absolutely attract any man, or any woman and make the scoring a sure thing. But the real answer is that everyone has a different type of body odor that is natural and alluring. Some men are naturally musky and women love the musky man. Some women are naturally flowery and some men like that. Its different scents. But maybe some smart one will get it down to classifications of about four for a man and four for a woman and then variations on the theme between the four types of scent. But it’s a trial and error thing. But in the sexual game, scent is the most primeval turn on there is. Higher up, its the look in the eyes of love. The eyes are important for that special contact. The shape of the body comes next.

That is why meeting on the telephone and falling in love on the telephone doesn’t work. I have had so many cases of women who sound lovely on the telephone, who have nice coy voices and make all the right responses and men too. But then comes the big crunch. When do we meet? Tomorrow. Then you meet. You both think the other one is ugly. But it only takes one to think the other is that way and that is it. It is over. I know of two clear examples worth recounting.

Meeting on The telephone, OK ..BUT… A BIG BUT…

Golden rule there is meet the next day or as soon as possible. Don’t fall in love with the voice, the personality. The bottom line is meeting. Then you know. For sure. One old lady sounded like a young lady on the phone. He sounded like a young man.

They lied to each other for weeks and weeks, and then they had to meet. They had worked each other up so much that they had to meet. The meeting was short and not very sweet. He was a smelly muggy man and she was fat, ugly and old. Disaster. They didn’t like each other in the flesh. They would have been happier just being telephone friends.

The second example was a young man in his mid twenties. Meeting on the telephone is big in North America. He was not very experienced. He talked all night to this world-class telephone “hooker”. She had been at that game for years and so she knew how to touch all the bases. This was my son. He was on the phone to her until six O’clock in the morning. He had been talking to her for almost nine hours.

I WANT YOU. He wants you to say it.

Repeat it in the mirror a few hundred times. Engrave it on your handbag. Write it in lipstick on our mirror and rehearse it every day. You see him out on your hunting grounds. You mouth it like a whisper across the room, across the street, in a shop (that is new) to him. I...WANT...YOU...and give your eyes a sparkle. Try it on one of those boring train journeys. At an airport. I..Want..You ... have your email address handy and give it to him…have cards printed with just your mobile number and email address on…you might catch the love of your life if you are prepared. He will look at you in a whole new light. He will be over and start to chat you up. And you are home and dry. He takes you home, or you take him to yours. Never mind the coffee or the tea. Give him a glass of Glucose instead and straight to bed. Put on the music. Get yourself fresh and clean. And get down to business. That is what he wants. Remember his ladies He wants you to say it.

And if he has any balls about him he will say it to you. So what do you do if he smiles at you across the room and says I WANT YOU..or whatever the line is? What do you do? You giggle t your girlfriends and fiddle with our handbag and fidget. Sit still. Look him straight back in the eye and give him a warm come on then smile and actually raise your hand and give him a little wave. Make it look like you are waving him over. If he is afraid to come because of your loud-mouthed jealous friends, then get up and leave the pack and go and stand next to him and move to a corner by yourself and cut the crap. I like you. Do you like me? I want to know you better. Ask his name in bed. That should get you both laughing.

That student I fucked all summer got really quite raunchy with me after I had sucked him off a few time. He went down on me a lot, he even used to spend his pennies on perfume for me so that he would turn on more hotly. He was eating my pussy twice and day, fucking me and I was eating his cum as much as we both wanted. It used to turn me on to get it on with him and then go to the other one and get a different cock in my mouth in the same morning.

The hunter killer in men is the next Promotion for a climax, again simple:

Men love to bring themselves to climax in your vagina then whip it out and finish off in your mouth, so they can watch themselves cum on your face, in your mouth, on your tits, and anywhere else. They love to rub it in afterward. They love it even more if you rub it in too.

Men think you love them if you swallow their cum. Put another way, if you spit it out, they unconsciously register that you don't like them. Liking them and liking their cum are inseparable concepts in the male mind. Remember that. Rejection of their cum, not swallowing it, and not swallowing with absolute relish, is a way of rejecting them too. They may not say anything but that is how it reads out. They may not even be conscious of it, but on some real level, that is how it feels to them. Swallow the cum if you want to fuck this man again soon. If you don't, then spit it out but know the consequences.

Did you miss the shag of your life because he is a poet?

Some blokes might be fantastic in bed but can't afford the twenty dollars to take you out for a drink. How many girls miss the shag of their lives because they insist on that idiot protocol. He might hate pubs and alcohol. He might not want to take you out at all. Why insist on that? It might be bullshit. He might be a poet. He might just want to fuck you and let us be honest, that is all you want too. You don't necessarily want to go out drinking and hanging around a lot of bar flies. Its a sexual turnoff anyway and get you out of the mood for sex. Better to go for a walk and dance in the street and end up in the sack. Going to restaurants is a time waster too. It’s another of those stupid money-wasting protocols

Save that for later. Restaurants always feel nicer to be in after you have had sex with the man. If you have fucked each other three or four times it might be worth going to a restaurant together, but not as a chat up starter. Its too time wasting and nerve wracking for him. He wants up your skirt and you want that too. Pubs can be really intimidating. Maybe a good place to meet or see each other for the first time, but my advice is get him out of there as fast as you can.


The biggest rule of all is simple:

DON'T PLACE OBSTACLES IN HIS PATH because ... If he has to go through an obstacle course to get you to spread your legs he will go with a whore instead.

He will take the line of least resistance. The world is full of frustrated women for precisely that reason. The can't be bothered to run the stupid obstacle course we lay out for them. They will fly to Cuba and fuck their brains out there with girls who are probably more gorgeous than us. And they pay for their pleasures and get a lot less hassle. They might blow a couple of hundred dollars on us to get us in bed and they soon workout, if they are smart that for the same money they can shag ten women for the same price and have no resistance.

We have competition and we are only cheating ourselves. We want to get shagged as much as any woman on earth and the guys love us for it. Why do we spoil it by making it had for them? Take the opportunity when it presents itself. This playing hard to get business is a joke that is socially rebounding on the women of the West.

If you feel him slipping away from you just come right out with it. I want you. Three words. Not I love you. That is going a bit far. I want you. Simple. Make yourself say it. Save the I-love-you’s for when you mean it.


The usual banter that passes between men and women is good fun but misunderstandings can arise. How many times have you said NO to a man and really meant yes. Then when he thinks you mean no and leaves you think, what’s wrong? You sent a negative word mixed in with a positive vibration. It’s called a mixed message.

A sort of lie. Who lost? You did. And he did. It is in our nature to give a man the run around just a bit so that we don't come over as a total slut. He needs to hear you say NO a couple of times before you allow yourself to be "persuaded" to let him fuck you. Sometimes the more shy or scared types of men haven't worked out that our No's mean...Yes, later, keep asking me and I will say yes and then you can fuck me.

They think in other words that no is no. When we really are not interested we usually don't say No to a guy, we say, look, fuck off. That is NO, that means no, and he knows it means No, but just a No means yes. My advice is not to use No at all if you really mean yes. Better to look a bit shy and flutter our eye lids and say "what?" instead and get him to repeat it ... and then say "you’re being a bit cheeky with me sailor ... sort of egg on him on ... get him to keep talking on that level ... until he gets the message that you really do want him balling deep. If you push him away he may get timid and think you mean fuck off. There are so many potential lays that are lost because of the misuse of the word No. We are such good liars, ladies, that we forget that they think we are telling the truth. We are an eternal mystery to them. We have to be a little more inviting and little bit more explicit to get the message over to the poor dumb wanker.

If you want him, the safest and surest way to get him without him thinking you are a slut is to say so. You can try the direct approach. (Most men aren’t master of the great metaphor, i.e. don’t take hints.) "Anytime anywhere!" Go ahead, practice saying that in the mirror. "I want to fuck you, you hunk" He would have to be a moron to misinterpret that. But its not paying his intelligence any compliments either. And you say that to an intelligent man, I mean a really intelligent man, and he might think you are crazy. You have to get the feel of a situation. It’s a question of sizing him up on more than one level. If he is awake and alive and sensitive, you won’t have to say much. Eye contact will do the trick and the subtlest little gestures get the message over nicely. If he is not Mr. Super Subtle then: "When are you going t take me home then?" try that with some types.

What is he going to say? Tonight! Tomorrow night. You can always put him off a day or two, just to let him know you are only a slut in bed, but otherwise quite shy. But keep the appointment. Ladies have to wake up to the fact that the only way to fulfill your sexual fantasies is to meet the man half way and if he doesn't get the message then go more than half way. Break a few of the stupid rules of protocol. Experiment a bit. Have a little courage. Just remember, the girl is always holding the cards. She can always say fuck off. But if she wants his cock up her vagina, she had better let him know it in terms that can' be mistaken. Try saying yes if he comes onto you, make the date, keep it. That is honest, it works and is refreshing. Yes, there are intelligent, honest men out there, who wear the hearts on their sleeves, or at least half up their sleeves where you can see where they are coming from. Those types you can be open with.

Don't provoke his machismo, ego, self esteem

He will think you are really enjoying it and that will make him feel good. If you are not enjoying yourself but making him think you are then you are a fool, and you are cheating both of you. Don’t order him about to do this and that because that will make him think he can’t arouse you. That is a downer, an ego drop, a smack on his fragile machismo, which if he is in his self esteem properly he won’t have much of (don’t expect any man not to have machismo by the way. If you come across a healthy, fit, specimen with no machismo he is probably a god looking for a goddess…could that be you?) He might also think you are a control freak and we can’t have that either. No man wants to be controlled unless he is a weirdo. Yes, there are plenty of those weirdos out there, too. No woman really likes to be controlled. “Loved” yes, but not controlled.

Controlling others as a way of getting off is a sure sign of a distinct lack of self worth. It means in psychological parlance that you don’t think a lot of yourself and even less of him. That is a relationship that will hit the wall sometime. And definitely a no-no as a place to start. So nix on the control, freak tactics. It’s a false start. Instead: Let him explore, let him find you there, he will if he is made welcome to. That part is up to you. He is not going down on you for any other reason than to turn you on. It turns him on too. You can be sure of that. And if you are a tasty dish down there he will want to stay for the second and the third orgasm and believe me, if he stays for seconds and thirds, then when he penetrates you, you are likely to go into the wave after wave orgasm and pass out from sexual satiation like Barabarella. That is the Holy Grail and you just claimed it. If he is that good, then you should lavish your womanly virtues on him in full measure. He deserves it and he has earned it! He is what you would call a very talented conversationalist.

That is to say, he is good at using his tongue to express himself. It should take you about three quarters of an hour. But remember, The Parthenon in Greece wasn’t built in a day, so you might have to work at it and not be discouraged. It is a Process. Rarely do one-night stands reach those heights of empathic felicities, and if they do, you will be shagging each other regularly. But by and large, practice makes perfect. In other words, sexual satisfaction and prowess is a process. Get interested in the Process.


He is going to cum anyway, whether he wanks himself secretly in the bathroom later, or after he wakes up, or lying beside you. The average man can get to orgasm in anything between thirty seconds to ten minutes. The average woman is more likely to take ten minutes to an hour to get to those dizzy heights, but as I said, the peak you reach in sexual ecstasy is nine times higher than his, and can be nine times nine higher.

Isn’t that a really wonderful fact? It is a heavenly fact. It has been a secret closely guarded for thousands of years. A coveted secret of the Goddesses for Millennia. It is a mythological secret. But it is actually a physiological fact. It’s a big tantric secret and we just let you in on it. It will be natural for you to take a whole lot longer so don’t for heaven’s sake think you have to be in a hurry. If he is on Viagra count yourself lucky because his hard on is guaranteed regardless of whether he thinks he needs it or not. Patience. We are all being let out of the sexual cages. This little booklet is just helping you with the keys. It is a process. Everything is a process. Learn your process. Let me repeat that. Learn YOUR process. I mean each woman has her own process. All women’s processes are similar, but none are identical. So there are no rules for the process other than the fact it is unique to you.

If you want him to go down on you

By the way: Make sure you don’t smell down there. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. That is a golden rule. And use an ante bacteriological soap if you are having a lot of sex in a short time. Make certain you are hygienic and squeaky clean down there. No man I have ever been to bed with ever liked a smelly pussy. There is said it. The ones who do are just weirdos and maybe he needs that fact pointed out to him. If you want him to go down on you, make the dish when he gets there fragrant and sweet smelling so he wants to stay there and lap at your clitoris all night long. No woman likes to go down on a grungy cock either. If he has lived in the last part of the twentieth century and watches TV he may know that already. Make sure he does something about it. Again, be sensitive about hygiene, even his. It is all a learning experience. If you make him feel less of a man, you have blown it before you start.


No woman can make her hygiene sexy. May as well accept that fact. Him cleaning your vagina as a sexy way to get you clean enough for him to go down on is a non-starter. We all know that. But washing his cock with a soapy flannel of anti bacterial soap in the bath or shower can be a wonderful prelude to a love making session. You may do it anyway, but if you have reservations about his hygiene, that is the way to go. If you have been out dancing, go that way anyway. Cleanliness before sex is very confidence building. I know one man who is spotless about his personal hygiene, and he does it without being over the top and crazy about it. But he goes the whole nine yards. He showers for a long time in a hot shower, uses anti bacterial soap, washes his hair, polishes his helmet and his anus thoroughly, and then cleans his teeth and then uses a strong mouth wash.

When that man gets into bed with me, I am already confident he can do anything to and with me. He has the same confidence in me. Isn’t that nice for us. No seriously, it may seem obvious if you are a middle class American or European, but it isn’t obvious at all. It is something that has been learned. Civilization has taught us the importance of cleanliness over thousands of years, but it is still learning how important this is for sexuality between men and women. Women seem to have to learn it from the beginning. If we are not taught it from our parents, we may be lucky enough to learn it from our girl friends, but it isn’t something you want to learn about from your lover or boyfriend. Too embarrassing. He can take it on the chin and learn it from us. Ok, now everyone’s clean…


If you have got him to want the ice cream down in the forest of desire, and got him to like lapping at your clitoris with his tongue then the aim should be to get him to really enjoy it. Think of yourself as the dinner you didn’t cook him and made a meal of yourself. The two eating concepts are so intimately connected you wouldn’t believe it. Instead of eating steak and chips he is eating you with even more relish. The juices that flow out of you onto his tongue and into his mouth also represent an exchange of vital energies. Those vital energies can be really sexually heightening. They are also healing, but that is another story. You want to score your first and even your second orgasm before he penetrates you. If you can gyrate your pelvis gently and respond to him with the natural "ooos" and "aaas" coming out of you or should be coming out of you if you are really enjoying yourself (some men don’t like screamers! So watch the screaming!)

Low self-esteem is destroying your sex-life?

Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself, for all the right reasons. It doesn’t mean being ego centric, inflated, rich, over the top, or having the jump on a man or on anyone. That is not self esteem, that is, to put it bluntly, a hole waiting for you to fall into. Self-esteem means taking care of yourself and taking care of how others feel as well. We sometimes get the first part right, and not the second part, taking care, or caring about how others feel too. If we get the first part right, that is a good start, but it’s selfish. And self-esteem to really work needs the second, larger part. Caring about how he feels too. Now, here’s the big secret. Why do you think men behave selfishly in bed? Answer, because he doesn’t have enough self-esteem to care about you, too. He doesn’t care about himself enough to love you as much as himself in bed.

He has low self-esteem. What is the cure? The cure is to care about how he feels more as a first step to showing him that he is going to get a lot more out of this sexual encounter if he cares about you more. Result, his self-esteem goes up. But this is not self-help for one-night-standers. These are long haul relationships we are talking about. So if you are in it for the long haul, then you need to get your self-esteem working. And his. It’s a spiritual thing.


One of the biggest mistakes we make in bed with a man is that we think just because he has got a cock and we have a vagina and the natural forces of sexual attraction know that him inserting his cock into our vagina is natural and doesn’t really need any education is something that has to change. Animals do it. Ask yourself: a dog can do it. A horse can do it.

Instinct drives them to do it. But do animals enjoy sex? Maybe, we will never know. But even if they do, it isn’t the arty form it is for humans. My bet is that men and women enjoy it far more than any animal. For animals it’s an instinctual drive to procreate the species. For humans it is that too, and a lot more. It is a way of relating on much more subtle levels. What we do know is that in the animal kingdom a man has a disproportionately large cock and the helmet end of it is so sensitive that it is designed for pleasure. So apart from the instinctual drive to procreate the species as his motivation force behind wanting to shag us is the PLEASURE PRINCIPLE. The desire born of the need to satiate his sexual desire upon us, to get that helmet at the end of his fiery shaft stimulated to the point of orgasm inside a woman’s vagina. Then there is that little organ called the clitoris, which we have. It takes much more stimulation than his helmet to set it on fire but if he knew that the intensity of our orgasm was nine times stronger than his, he would want to be a woman.

All women, if they are honest with themselves accept that an orgasm experienced with a man’s cock up you is a lot more wonderful than with, say a vibrator up you. Germaine Greer, the thinking woman’s woman, even had to admit that is true. Also, recent medical evidence shows that the small little pleasure membrane we call the clitoris is not as small as we have been led to think. It stretches back inside our vaginas a long, long way into our bodies and is much longer than any man’s penis. Incredible but true. It was the last great discovery of the twentieth century as a matter of fact! But because it’s on the inside and under the skin it has taken “modern” medical science three hundred years to discover the size of a woman’s clitoris. Now why? Because the clitoris is designed for pure unadulterated pleasure.

Take Responsibility for your Sex Life

If your lover needs Viagra, never make him feel ashamed of that fact. But if he is a smoker and a drinker, then help him get off those nasty habits and he will be an even better lover. We are promoting sensitivity, health and sexual awareness between men and women as the path to better lovemaking. If viagra is a needed bridge, then it’s a blessing. Treat it as such. It can bring sex alive again for people who were damned to impotence. That is happiness for millions of people to whom it had been denied. A win - win scenario for men and women both!

Take Responsibility for your Sex Life - get sexual satisfaction!

Be Conscious and Willing. The standard get out after a one-night stand is to say that you don't remember anything. He might need that excuse and so might you. But the truth is we all remember everything really. I have to labor this point because if you get this right, you are going to be rewarded in bed night after night for a very long time to come. And that is the name of the game. Sexual satisfaction. Let’s put satisfaction in big letters. SATISFACTION. It is a big word. Think about it. How satisfied have you been? Answer truthfully. Sometimes? Maybe never? Imagine being a woman who can honestly say she is truly brimming with sexual satisfaction, SATISFACTION? The woman who can say that and mean it is probably happy. It is a fact of life that a loved woman looks more radiant. A woman getting “loved” (having a lot of sex) tends to look happier with herself.

So is her partner and probably well on the road to success in other departments of life too. All these tips are designed to liberate you so that you can get SATISFACTION. But not at his expense. That doesn’t work. It must be with him. A truly two-way thing, a cooperative effort. The flashy word for this sexual mutualism is dyadic. Dyadic just means TWO PEOPLE. A relationship. We may as well accept that at the outset and take responsibility for the sex we want because if we do, we are much more likely to get what we want out of the encounter. If he doesn't know that, you definitely should. He might thank you for that later, and he may come back for second helpings again and again. If he doesn’t know, teach it to him, but not with words, but by example, gesture, suggestion. The bludgeon of dissatisfied feminism hasn’t made men or women better lovers or more tolerant. Intelligence is needed. If it doesn’t work, change it. Change the approach. Criticism, nastiness, they all serve to alienate men and women from each other. Sensitivity, kindness, tolerance work much better and everybody will win in bed and beyond. Intelligent.

SELF ESTEEM - Where’s Your’s?

The roots of sexual repression are a loss of self-esteem. Self Esteem can be lost through loss of Satisfaction or not getting what you want out of life, in bed and out of it. You can start by getting what you want in bed and the rest will follow. The only way to get your self-esteem back in bed is to get it back. Take responsibility for your sexual life and mean to have a good time- together. Unless he is really insensitive, he will sense that you care about it and it might make him care about how you feel too. Think of it this way, if you don't care about him in a very conscious deliberate way, he is more likely to use you as a machine for masturbating than not. We all know what that feels like. Those of us who don't are either not paying proper attention, or we are just plain lucky.

Sex and getting Drunk

The same goes for him. That is why Martini is a richer company than Rolls Royce Motor Cars. But there is a down side for him. If you get him too drunk, he won't be able to perform in bed. Drooping dick is the most common side effect of drunkenness. For a woman it can cause post sex shame, and depression. It’s also the biggest killer of relationships in the history of Holy Wedlock and the biggest killer of road users too. That’s three great reasons to control the alcohol. And I mean great reasons, not little excuses. Don’t be a fool to yourself.

It isn't a good idea to get too drunk for a woman either, though it might allow you to do things you wouldn't normally do. But you know as all women do that you may think you have maximum deniability afterwards, you always remember everything and you have to pretend you don’t. That kind of secrecy causes problems of a psychological nature as you have to start feeling ashamed of the fact that you enjoyed him going down on you, or wanking himself all over your tits, or rubbing his cum all over your body ... all under the pretense that you don’t remember him being so dirty.

The answer is, don’t get drunk, don’t let him get drunk, and then do it anyway, remember it and enjoy remembering it. He wants to do these things to you and he may be shy, so ask him. And if he is too scared to say yes and do it, then you can help him. He might call you a dirty little bitch to his friends but he will be back for more. Count on it. You win and so does he. Truth is a win-win scenario in bed. Be accountable in bed and you open the floodgates to the world of sexual experimentation and gratification. Then you can get your name off the list of women who have never cum in bed with a man. And if you are not on that list now, then multiple orgasms with a man should be the next thing on your list of sexual accomplishments with your chosen partner. And if you have accomplished that, then anything I may say here is just grist to the mill; so enjoy!!! Alcohol, the wine, beer, cocktails, shorts, all good fun - in small doses. If you are getting out of your head every night, and getting pissed every time to get laid then you need a counselor.

I mean that with all sincerity and seriousness. If its like that for you, then get help and quickly. The only person you are hurting is you in the end, and you want to sort it out before you hurt anyone else. Believe it or not the same goes for abusing coffee. Like alcohol it can awaken the moody, aggressive, short-tempered side of any one, men and women. We are all coffee drunk in our offices ands it makes us bitchy. The trouble with coffee, good coffee is that it smells divine. I just wish smelling the coffee was enough. Tea however if you are a hot drink caffeine junky (like me) is safer. And herbal tea makes you a saint. If you are already an herbal tea lady, good for you. Your blood is going to be a lot less toxic, you are going to smell a lot nicer, most of your health problems are going to evaporate faster than you think, and your breath will never smell. It will also make your vaginal juices less acidic, and therefore your lover’s cock less likely to get sore on marathon sessions in bed. That is worth remembering.

There is wisdom in the old goat yet. And while we are having a rat about bad habits, we may as well let you in on the down side of smoking for a man (and for a woman). But for a man, apart from making him less of an athlete in bed as he would be if he didn’t smoke, apart from making him less smelly under the arms (I bet you didn’t know that smoking effects under arm body odor did you?), and party from making him virtually unkissable, it also increases his chances of losing an erection, especially if he is over 40. Erectile dysfunction, or drooping penis is a by-product of cigarette and cigar smoking. It is not a woman’s problem, but every woman should know that it is a man’s problem. Sure, some men are more highly sexed than others and smoking just doesn’t affect them in bed. But no man is free of the side effects completely. Fortunately for men, the wonder drug from Pfizer, called Viagra, has practically solved erectile dysfunction in men, and that is going to be good for all women. What we women want is a drug that will make orgasms easier to reach. A Viagra for women.

Relationship? Married?

It doesn't matter if you are already in a long-term relationship, married, or just looking. Sex is sex, and he will be interested if you are. Most males go for the packaging first, and then they get into the deeper side of our natures. But if he doesn't like the packaging, he may not even want to unwrap the gift inside. But before we get him in the sack let's look at some chat up lines. We know them all. The Nob Head who asks you the question "You know what will look good on you? Answer "Me". Deserves to spend the night masturbating. Same with the "haven't I met you somewhere before?" routine. These guys probably have beer bellies. They are all wankers and probably have a hard time bedding the best of us. If he is a piss head he won’t be performing in bed and if he does manage to cum, he will roll over, belch a filthy beer smelling belch and snore all night, and you will be lying there with a wet vagina wondering where the hell you put your vibrator and if its got batteries for all he cares.

Not all men are good talkers, and the best talkers aren’t necessarily the best in bed. What you want to know is if he has any sensitivity. It doesn’t so much matter if he is cheeky, smart, a good talker, witty, a joke teller and a good laugh. He can be all those things and be lousy as a lover. He can be useless at all those things and be great as a lover. So more fool you if you are being taken in by just the chat up lines. Look at the eyes if you want to know the truth. Is he insensitive? Is he sensitive? Is he asking you questions? Yes. They all do. They know we like him to ask us questions. But is he listening to the answers we are giving him. There is the catch. If he is a salesman he is using the answers to steer us his way. Salesmen are good persuaders, but they are users. They actually don’t care. Can you spot the salesman? Ask him what he does. He is probably a salesman and proud of it. He might be a computer nerd. He might be an engineer, a painter and decorator. What he does will tell you a lot about him, but not much about what kind of lover he is or what kind of man. In other words, look where he is coming from, not at what he does or what he says. If his body is out of shape, then you know he has emotional baggage.

His body is a reflection of what he really thinks about himself. It tells you about his self-discipline, and if he has any or not. This is not so you can criticize or be turned off, but so that you can know. Knowing is better than not knowing. Being interested is better than being bored. The difference is quality. And remember, it’s not a one-way street. If he is smart, he is checking you out too. He is looking at you, seeing if you care about yourself enough to care of your physical appearance. He will see the shape of your body, the clarity of your skin, your hands, nails, and teeth. It all makes an impression. Who you are isn’t so hard to see. How you dress is important, and he will notice that, but if he has an ounce of sense and observance about him he will be imagining what you are like with your clothes off as well as on.

Bottom line. The better in-shape you are, the more men are going to want you in bed. Personality can be sexy, but if you are out of shape, chances are your personality won’t cover it. Tough call, but there it is. And the same goes for him. If he is rich he has the edge on being ugly, fat, over weight, and smelly to boot. If he’s rich. But even then ... Let’s move on to drinking:


Don't Let Him Get Too DRUNK! Or even drunk at all if you can prevent it.

OK. We are not knocking beer and alcohol, (oh yes we are!) but we may as well get something straight. Most men drink and most women drink to get out of their heads, to loosen the grip of obscure emotions, to let the tongue of truth wag more freely and most of all to let your getting into the sack inhibitions drop, so that you don't resist quite as much as you would if you weren't scared and half drunk.

The trim and fit guy - a young hunk

I remember meeting one young hunk on holiday. He was trim and fit and, frankly I wanted him badly between my legs. I made it easy for him. I just accepted the first invitation he gave me. Mushroom omelet. He didn’t quite have the nerve to ask me to stay the night, but I figured that it would be equally hard for him to ask me to leave, especially if he wanted me to stay, so I just reclined on his bed, let my skirt ride up to my knickers and fell asleep. The stupid man behaved like a perfect gentleman and slept on the floor next to me. I woke up in the middle of the night, but he was out cold. Tip: men always have an early morning hard on, unless they were blind drunk before they went to sleep. This one was stone cold sober. At dawn he woke up and his penis was doing all the talking. He was up and on top of me and banging away like that ram.

To put it crudely he fucked like a tiger. I was ready and waiting of course. A woman can sense these things, as we all know. I knew that he was going to fuck me. But what I did not know was for how long and how hard. That was the bonus. After I got home and he was still on the island, I wrote him a letter and had to tear it up and write another one because I had written how much I had enjoyed being fucked by him. I changed the word fuck to love. How I enjoyed being “loved” so much by him. It wasn’t strictly speaking a lie.


For a man, if he loves you he has a lust for you. He wants to fuck you hard. He loves to fuck you. You have problems if he doesn’t want to. Patty Smith, that wonderful Legendary Rock Star woman had it dead right when she said that lust is love really. When we accuse a man of being lustful, watch out! What are we really accusing him of? To him, that lust is love.

His vigorous desire to make love is called lust because he hasn’t known us long enough to love us, isn’t that right ladies? Wrong. His lust is instant love. Let’s get that straight. Lust is love when it comes to sex for a man. It translates as love in his mind when he wants to have sex. He wants to because he loves to. Same thing. If it goes further than one night, it may deepen into something more than sexual. No arguments there. In other words, those sparks of sexual attraction are love, not lust. That word lust was invented by people who wanted men and women to feel guilty about sexually wanting each other. And we all know where guilt gets us. Nowhere. It’s a sexual freeze out. There are enough barriers between men and women these days without adding guilt to the list. To say it clearly, never feel guilty about feeling lustful and never make him feel guilty about his so-called lust.

How to turn him on

So let’s debunk a few outmoded preconceptions that actually work against us in bed. Here’s the first misconception that we have to change.

The way to a man's heart is NOT through his Stomach but through his penis. What is being advocated here is not that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That is baloney. It might have been true in the eighteenth century. But not in the twenty first century. The way to man's heart is through his cock. Every woman should know that. It might turn him on if he knows you know that! He is more likely to be interested in your cooking after he has tasted the flesh, rather than the other way round. Only a foolish woman would think that she can tempt her man into bed with a home cooked meal.

That is just an excuse to get him into bed. Besides, no man can perform at his best on a full stomach, so be careful filling him up. Instead of sexual gymnastics, you might find a fat lump sleeping on your couch digesting his dinner throughout the night. Better to have him a bit hungry. Eat afterwards is the best plan. Sex first, food later. Remember, food is no substitute for sex in a man’s mind. Full stomach equals bad sex. The scientific reason for that is simple: the blood that should be flowing into his cock making it nice and stiff and hard and capable of penetration will be diverted to his stomach instead to digest the steak and eggs or whatever you cooked him. Greasy, fatty food should be out anyway.

So let’s break this down into a simple set of rules which is we can learn them, engrave them onto our makeup mirrors, or paste them into our purses, and never forget, we might get to the foreplay stage, and then to bed and then to the all consuming orgasm, and for us sorry old birds that want to marry one of them, even to the alter-leading him steadfastly by his beautiful cock of course. His wallet comes later. So here goes:


No heavy food before sex, but a promise of something good to eat later on. The second reason for abstaining from the food- first- sex -after mistake is that food is like sex. If the appetite for food is satiated in him, he may not want to have sex at all. The hunter- killer instinct in him has been fed so to speak. A hungry man is more aggressively sexual in bed. He has something to play for. Unconsciously he wants to prove something to you and to himself. He will be more ravenous in bed if he is a bit hungry. Not too hungry. If he needs energy, an energy drink is the answer. There are plenty to choose from. No wine. He will want to sleep. What woman doesn't want to know she has been well and truly "loved" in the sack? It is what Mama and Papa will never tell you, but what every honest woman knows.

What Every Woman Should Know

We women on the other hand are wired the opposite way, to get and hold onto our man, and make him faithful. He wants all women to be one woman. We want to be the woman that is all women to him. It's psychology! Shall I say that more simply? Its important we really understand this point as it will make his behavior completely understandable. It has to do with evolution. If he didn't want to stick his penis in everything in a skirt, and we didn't want to stop him, making him faithful to just one woman, there would be no dynamic tension between the sexes and there would be no flirtation, and there wouldn't be this endless fascination we seem to have for each other. And don't forget ladies, to a man, we are an eternal mystery. It isn't true what that beastly Jack Nicholson said: “you remember the flick, As Good as It Gets.” Jack plays an author who always writes, he thinks from a woman's perspective.

One of his biggest fans catches him one day in the publisher’s office and asks him straight out how he understands the psychology of women so well. He replies with that dismissive cynicism that only Mr. Nicholson can get away with and still live to tell the tale that its easy. All women think and behave the same as men, but to be a woman you just remove accountability! Beast! Men are just as irresponsible as women, and even more selfish in bed.

It is practically a cliché of sexual conversation that men always get to cum and we women always get a quarter of the way there before he has shot his load and burned out, switched off turned his back and told us to go to sleep. How's that for non-accountability?

There isn't a woman in the world who doesn't feel a surge of power and pride over a man when we can make him orgasm. He doesn't know that it turns us on. A quick test to prove that point is simple. Ever tried and tried to get your man to cum and failed. Remember how that feels? Or feel somehow inadequate? It goes to the core of what makes us women. Our mystery, our allure seems to be only vindicated in the power we have not only to get him to want us, to woo us, to captivate us and to bed us, and then its up to us to finish him off and make him cum. If we can't do that, its like we have failed him. Isn't that right?

We might lie to ourselves and to him and pretend we don't care, but we do, really. He may feel there is something wrong, not with him, but with us, if he fails to get the final ejaculation. That puts us under a certain amount of pressure. So here are some hot tips and suggestions for making that conversation more interesting, and more successful, not just in getting him to the peak experience, but in getting us women there with him. He won't feel anything like the same guilt if we don't climax. It just seems an odd fact of life that we have to get him there though in order to feel defined as a woman. Its part of the Venus Effect to keep him interested. If we succeed he may come back for more and that we may well be interested in, especially if we want to marry him.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Q & A: "sharing my weekend with a chick he used to roll in the hay with"

Q: I asked a girl some months ago if she would like to go for coffee and she said yes. But since that time we haven't been for coffee as she said she is busy, even those I have asked her yet again another number of times. Do you think I should ask her again only this time set a time and date or do I asked someone else out? - She Said Yes But…

Dear She Said Yes But…
Aren't you tired of waiting? You keep waiting around for this girl. Stop waiting and take some action like move on. After all these months, don't you think that if she were interested she would have made time for you?

You really could use some help in the world of dating. You might want to set up 2 coaching sessions with me -in the first coaching session have a list of your questions ready and I'll give you some dating, flirting, and asking girls out tips. Then I'll give you some homework. In our next session we'll talk about what worked and what didn't work and what you need to do. That's my suggestion if you want to date smart and not waste a
lot of time feeling bad and getting rejected.

By the way, this is a good time to take advantage of my March coaching discount. Set up two sessions and you get a 20% discount. Set up four sessions and you get a 30% discount. It's a good deal. But like all good deals, it will end March 31st.

Q: I have been dating a wonderful man for about a year now. I have some insecurity about an old girlfriend that he used to hang out with before we got together. He owns a cottage and we go up every weekend together. Before he and I began dating, she used to go up to his cottage and hang out with him sometimes.

Since we started dating, she has called my boyfriend a few times (that I know of) and asked to come up to the cottage to spend the weekend. I was very uncomfortable with this and told my boyfriend so. He felt somewhat "on the spot" however. I made my self clear that if he wanted her to spend the weekend, that would be fine. However, I was not going to put "myself" in a situation that I would feel extremely uncomfortable.

I know this may sound as if I am very insecure - maybe so. However, how am I supposed to feel about sharing my weekend with a chick he used to roll in the hay with! No way! What do you think?-Want a One Woman Man

Dear Want a One Woman Man,
I'm with you. I'm a really sharing woman. I'll share just about everything except my man with another woman. And I won't share my lingerie with a man. You don't sound insecure at all, you sound like a woman who knows her worth. Now its time your boyfriend discovered what he has…before it's too late. You're quite clear that you want a one-woman man. Don't settle for anything less. Don't give him an ultimatum but don't settle and compromise yourself and your values.

Q: I just wanted to say I like your website and find it very interesting!

Recently, I called a colleague of and asked if she would be interested in 'doing something sometime'. She responded "Yeah, sure!" Two days later I called her again and her tone was not so lively. I asked her if she was still interested in doing something, and she said, "uh, I don't know" in a very casual manner. That following weekend, I left a message on her machine asking her to call me if she still wanted to do something. Since I didn't hear back from her, the following Tuesday I went to her and asked her if she got my message (in a small talking manner). She said 'yeah'. So, after a little silence, I told her that I was just looking for someone to hang out with and have fun. I said that I wasn't really interested in a relationship right now, but may consider the possibility later on (if things worked out). I said, "If I came on too strong then I apologize." She didn't say anything or make much eye contact with me when I spoke.

Two days later, on Valentine's Day, I sent a rose carnation sent to her with a note wishing her a happy Valentine's Day and birthday coming up. I never received a thank you or anything in return. She is still seeing her ex-boyfriend. That's fine with me. But, now she avoids me and barely acknowledges my presence. This reminds me of grade school; she used to be very cheery when she was around me. When I see her she doesn't make eye contact at. I don't want to lose a friend over this situation; it's not worth it. I care about things like that. What did I do wrong? How do I make the tension go away? I know this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have!-Wondering Why

Dear Wondering Why,
Even though you say you don't have an agenda, it seems you really do. You like this woman and she's not returning the interest. She doesn't return you calls, she hasn't said yes any of your numerous requests to get together, and she never even said thank you for the rose. There's a recurring theme here. Are you getting the message? She's not interested.

And, as far as the ex-boyfriend goes, since they are dating again, you might want to erase the ex part. You're right, college isn't grade school. But the reason she's not delighted to see you is because she feels pressured by you and your agenda. She's probably sorry that she said yes, after she realized that you were really interested in something more than casually getting together. So, my advice to is…back off. Leave her alone. Let things cool off. If you see her in school, just nod and say hi. That's it! Perhaps in a couple of months you can revisit the friendship. In the meantime, you seem a little needy. You might want to work through that neediness. After all, desperation and neediness are not attractive qualities because if they were, they would be perfumes. Better to work through your neediness and emotional baggage now, instead of carrying it into your other relationships.

If you want some help in getting rid of your emotional baggage, give me a call at 310.394.2647

Q: I'm a 41-year-old single man whose efforts at finding the love of my life have been spectacular - and sometimes expensive failures.
When I was 16, I was running into the problem of meeting girls who saw me as their "brother." I have had a highly successful professional life but I have struggled with the difficulty of meeting women and getting them to go out with me.

I tried nearly everything from and I just cannot make that connection, though there was one near-relationship.

It's been years since I've kissed or held a woman in any way. I could live with being alone and going to places and family events "stag," but a little closeness and human contact makes a lot of the stress of life tolerable. Watching TV alone and seeing other couples close just makes me want to cry sometimes and wonder if I should just give up on women and accept being alone.
But if there's one experience I want to have, it's the one of being in love and having someone to share my life with. Is that so much to ask?

I suppose I'm writing this because I thought I had finally met someone who was right for me. After going out for three weeks, she told me she liked me, but that she would never have any physical attraction to me. I replied, "Maybe not now, but perhaps in the future." No, she said, she was sure of it. Then she asked if I was going to take her out tomorrow, as originally planned. Maybe I'm a shallow jerk, but I said there was no point in pursuing anything with her. All this rejection is making me very cold toward other people, I must confess. I am becoming wary of getting too close and getting my hopes up, and this has an impact on other people. I used to be so open and friendly to people and especially women I was interested in, and now I am wondering if being less so is the best approach to take.
Sorry for the length of this letter. I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the same boat who sit home at night and wonder why they can't find anyone and occasionally reach out and find themselves disappointed.- Disappointed in Women

Dear Disappointed in Women,
Thank you for your letter and honesty. I can totally appreciate and understand your desire to be in love and share your life with someone.

Right now you need a healthy dose of good self-esteem. Here's an exercise I want you to do. Write down all the reasons you are successful professionally. Then ask yourself what you "really believe" about yourself professionally. You see you don't get what you want in this world, you get what you believe you can have. Professionally, you believe certain things about yourself.

Now I want you to answer this question. Do you want to be right (that you can't have a relationship) or do you want to be happy? If you want to be happy…and in a relationship, then you have to change your personal belief system…about yourself. Make a list of what you really believe about yourself personally. For every negative belief write down a positive belief that you could believe about yourself. Then, take an action to reinforce the positive belief…not the negative belief. This isn't easy to do, but it is doable and you can do it…if you do want to be happy.

You need to learn how to flirt successfully and how to woman magnate and not the big brother. Being the big brother hasn't gotten you where you want to go, so now it's time to be different. It's okay to be friendly, just learn how to maximize your assets.

Q & A: "Is he commitment phobic or did I just play my cards wrong?"

Q: Would you believe a 50-year old woman could make such stupid mistakes? I met a man at work. We had an instant attraction and things went too fast. Three months later we were living together and talking a lot about marriage. He seemed to be crazy about me. Then things slowly started to fall apart. He has never been married or had a close relationship with a woman. He never said anything was wrong but slowly he became insulting and pulled away. He broke it off with lots of phony excuses. I moved out and was devastated because I really loved him. Anyway, now I feel like a real idiot but am wondering if you think he might just be commitment phobic or did I just play my cards wrong and should have made him chase me more in the beginning? He genuinely seemed to want marriage but then again he never got there with anyone before. By the way, we got along great and never argued...but then he could never discuss his inner feelings. I have moved on, but wonder. Thanks. -Wondering Woman

Dear Wondering Woman,
First of all, stop beating yourself up. That does you absolutely no good except reinforce your negative beliefs about yourself. It's not always a matter of having a man chase you more in the beginning. There are many factors to consider but my crystal ball is out being polished. He could be commitment phobic or a serial monogamist or maybe he's just in love with the idea of love, or maybe he just doesn't want to get married...or...or...or. The important question is what have you learned about yourself? And what have you learned about jumping into relationships too soon? Just because you have an instant attraction doesn't mean that you have to set up housekeeping or start picking out china patterns.

I know you're devastated and I can understand how you feel. Have your feelings -- but don't park there. The only stupid mistake is beating yourself up. Learn from your mistake and move on -- by this I mean get rid of the excess baggage from this relationship -- work it through and get yourself ready for the next one.

Call me if you would like to set up a session coaching session and get help in reclaiming your self-esteem and help so you will move on. To set up a telephone coaching session, call 323.860.0700.

And, just because you're 50, does that mean you always have to be perfect? I hope not. Life is about living and learning...and most importantly...loving ourselves and then others.

Q: Thanks for your help. Love your website. I was just wondering if you could help me with some thing. This guy has been flirting with me. When the quarter ended, he stopped talking with me. I really liked him a lot, so I asked him out to the dance and to just go out. He told my friend to tell me that he does not want to go to the dance with me, he doesn't want a date, and that he wants to go alone with a bunch of guys. I am really upset that he said no. But my question to you is what is he saying, does he hate me or he just does not want to go out with me? I really like him a lot, and I keep thinking about him 24 when I am by my self and there is nothing that I can do about it because I do try to get him out of my head but I never can. Please help! - Very Love Struck and Confused

Dear Very Love Struck and Confused,
First of all, stop obsessing. And no he doesn't hate you. He just doesn't want to go to the dance with you or on a date. Don't take things personally and don't make assumptions about what he's thinking. What he is doing is about him--not you! It's not you job to ask out guys--it's their job to ask you out. Continue to flirt, be nice and move on! Good luck.

Q: I've been seeing someone for a few months. When we first met, he pursued me very aggressively. Then last night, he called to inform me he doesn't have the time right now for a "commitment". That aspect had never come up before. I guess I'm doomed to let it go, but what happened?-Last Call

Dear Last Call,
You're right. Let it go. Move on. You can feel bad...for a moment...but don't park there.

There are a multitude of possible reasons but my crystal ball is out being polished. He could be commitment phobic, he could be afraid, he could be...

Remember, you only love those who love you. And if he doesn't want to be
with you...can you say, "Next"

Q: I consider myself a smart and wise 26 year old woman, however there is something that even though I am a woman I completely don't understand. Many of my female friends date guys, while not perfect, are close to it. Then from out of the blue, they end the relationship. Being a good friend I asked why and some of their answers were startling. Most of them have been over petty things like the color of his car or how he made a little mistake. Maybe there is something wrong with me since I don't understand this. In case you ask, most of my friends range from 18-45 years of age. However, I will say that if I ever met a man who cared about me and was always a gentleman to me, I would not dump him for no reason.-What's Up With Women

Dear What's Up With Women,
Many people think dating is a game and they are constantly "playing" the game. When they get tired of one game - they move on to the next player. They really aren't interested in a relationship or are afraid of a relationship and commitment.

My suggestion to you is get out there and date. Have a great - authentic relationship - and settle for nothing less. Just because your girl friends aren't for real - it doesn't mean that you should be.

Men like and appreciate women who are real. Of course, keep a little mystery about you - but always be genuine.

Q & A: "I'm not sure now if she is interested"

Q: I have known for Josh 2 weeks now. My friend told him that I wanted to take him to the dance and then the next day he wrote me this note: "I am sorry but I already have a date for the dance, I did not think I would meet you. If we would have meet earlier, I might have asked you to the dance, that is if you wanted to go."

What does his note mean? I know he likes me because he also said in the note, "we should talk some more, (he gave me his number) and we should get together this weekend. Call me and we will chat. He called me and we talked for almost 2 hours. What is he trying to say?-Too Late

Dear Too Late,
It may be too late to go to the dance with him, but never too late to start a wonderful friendship and relationship. He sounds like a great guy who is interested in you. He can't go to the dance with you because he already has a date that night.

Open up your ears and eyes. Listen to what he's saying and doing. Life doesn't always fit our picture. As John Lennon once said, "Life happens while we're busy making plans."

Q: First and foremost, please allow me to applaud your website and your advice. They are both stellar!

I dated this guy who I really liked. Things were really nice between the two of us. And then the time came for him to leave to study on the east coast. I really liked him and wished he didn't have to leave, however, I was very happy for him. With time I learned to let go of him and see him only as a friend.

He came back over Christmas. I saw him then. We ended up kissing, etc. Before he left he told me two things, to forget him and that he was dating someone else back east. I was hurt and I left it at that. However, later I found myself emailing him and sending him letters. Now, I find myself wanting to move on and wanting to hold on. I don't want to pursue him, but I want to stay in touch. Is staying in touch pursuing him? What should I do? -Pursuer or friend or clueless

Dear Pursuer or Friend or Clueless,
You say you're ready to move on but there's some baggage that you're carrying around with you. You need to get rid of it. You're holding on to what was and / or what could have been. You're not clueless at all. You know exactly what you're doing…but you don't know why you're doing it. Do you really just want to friends with no hidden agenda? I don't think so!

Q: I met a guy who answered my personal ad. We've gone out three times. We have a lot in common and he's a gentleman; but I'm not attracted to him. He called after our last date and asked me to go out just with him on his birthday. He's ready for a long-term relationship. I just got out of a 5-year relationship and want to date, but not seriously. What should I do?-Letting Him Down

Dear Letting Him Down,
Tell him the truth. The two of you are not on the same page and want different things out of life right now. After three dates you know if your want the fourth date. You don't, so wish him a happy birthday and move on.

Q: I met this wonderful woman through a new group of friends and we've been going out as a group for 2 months now. She is 27 years of age and I'm 37. Anyway, throughout our outings, I've gotten several hints and signals that she is interested in me. Example, she would always be by my side every time we go out or would ride with me in my car. She would also asked questions like what type of woman I look for and she seems to enjoy our conversations. Several times, she'd call me and ask to go out with her and some friends. Anyway, I felt it was time to ask her out which I did. She acted surprised but said yes anyway. On the day of the date, I called to confirm and she expressed she may not make it and she would call me back. She did not call after a couple of hours so I had to call her again. She then cancelled. I felt bad about it and thought she blew me off. She did not seem sorry nor did she try to make it up. I really like this girl and I'm not sure now if she is interested. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.-Getting Mixed Signals

Dear Getting Mixed Signals,
First things first. Don't take what someone else does personally. It's not about you. It's about her. She is the one who is exhibiting bad dating behavior and bad woman behavior.

Since you are both part of a group and will likely see each other, be cordial but not real friendly. Make it a point to ask another woman to ride in your car and make it a point to be with other women. If she likes you, she will not be too happy with the attention you're paying to other women. She will do something to get you interested again in her. And then you can decide if you want to play her game. It may be her move, but I suggest that you give her a run for her money and move on. Someone who is unavailable is often more attractive to people like her. Besides, February is the month of love. Follow my 28 ways to bring love into your life this month. Remember that, "Men and Women are like trains…another will be along in a few minutes. If the train doesn't stop at your station…it's not your train." Good luck. Let me and my readers know what happens.

Q & A: "She keeps staring and looking me straight in the eyes"

Q: You say give love? I gave and receive nothing except emotional pain. - Hurting

Dear Hurting, I know how painful this time must be for you. Sometimes when we open our hearts, they get stomped on. But if you stop giving love, you'll never receive love. Close your fist for a moment. Pretend it is your heart. As long as it is closed, nothing can ever come in. Think of what your life would be like without love. No open your fist and imagine what your life could be like filled with love. The next time you decide to give your love, choose a more worthy person.

Q: I am 18 years old and I l like this girl in my school. I have been crazy about her because of they way she looks at me. She keeps staring and looking me straight in the eyes. She smiles and sometimes she looks back and smiles when she is with her friend. Every time I am around her she stares at me like I am a ghost or something. Give me some advice. What does this mean? -18 and Clueless

Dear 18 and Clueless,
She's flirting with you. She is giving you feminine signals that she is friendly territory - so it's okay to go over and talk to her. She won't bite off your head or reject you.

What does this all mean? The bottom line is that it means she likes you. So take a breath and step up to the plate and ask her out. Good luck. I know you'll do fine.

Q: I am a very feminine woman. By that I mean that I dress feminine and conduct myself in stereotypical ways (which would appall feminists). My problem is that I find men today aren't as masculine as I would like. I have had a few men not pay for first dates, not open doors, in short, not treat me like a lady! Needless to say, it did not last.

Do you think young men today have lost all these wonderful, masculine qualities? You've said it time and time again: women want to be cherished. Any thoughts? - I Think I'm Feminine

Dear I Think I'm Feminine,
I don't think men have lost their wonderfully male and masculine traits. I think they still have them and it's up to us to elicit it in them.

We need to talk - I can't believe that you allowed a man to treat you other than the lady and Queen Bee that you are.

You need some advice and some coaching. Being feminine is not based on what you wear, but rather who you are and how you "BEE." It seems men are reacting to you instead of responding to you.

Q: There is this guy and his name is Mike. I really like him and he's already told me that he likes me. I think I like him to but he acts all mean in front of his friends and it hurts me. What do I do? -Likes Me but Acts Mean

Dear Likes Me but Acts Mean,
Mike is afraid of peer pressure. When the two of you are alone, let him know that YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT WHEN HE ACTS MEAN TO YOU. Don't tell him that he hurts your feelings - because he can't. Only you can hurt your own feelings. Don't make him wrong. Remember my 3Cs - you never want to criticize, condemn or conquer a guy. If you make him wrong, he won't listen because his pride and ego will get in the way. Instead, let him know how you feel and that it's not okay for him to be mean to you. If he values you he will act differently. If he acts mean, withdraw but don't cut him off totally. Give him a chance to redeem himself. He's a guy and needs your feminine energy but, at the same time, draw a line in the sand and don't cross it. People will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

Q: I have known this guy for a while and we finally are both single. I found out that he was interested in me so I decided to take the ball in my court and asked him out. He was flattered. In the past I have never been aggressive, in fact timid. Now it seems like we have clicked but how do I get him to pursue me now that I have started the ball rolling?
I get good vibes from him yet I have been hurt before and I am scared that it will happen again. It has been a week since our first date. -Made the First Move - Now What

Dear Made the First Move - Now What,

How you start a relationship is usually how the two of you wind up in a relationship. By taking the ball in your court and asking him out, you did his job for him. He has no incentive now that you've taken on the Wannabe role.
What should you do now? Back off and let him be the guy.

Q & A: "Dating Woman with Kids"

Q: Is it a good idea to date someone who has two kids as a result of a 10-year marriage? I have never been married.-Dating Woman with Kids

Dear Dating Woman with Kids,
It's only a good idea if you like kids, and you can park your ego in order to open up your heart to children who have been fathered by someone other than you. Children are wonderful. Don't limit yourself, just because you don't have any of your own.

However, don't get involved with a woman who has kids if you're not ready or not willing to love and accept her kids. Just remember, her kids are part of the package.

You mentioned that you've never been married. And your point is what? Dating isn't about scorecards. It's about two human beings desiring to get to know each other, about being vulnerable and intimate with each other. Whether one of the two parties has been married before isn't important, that is unless, divorce is one of your deal breakers.

Q: This guy friend of mine really likes me and wants to date. I'm very old-fashioned. He wants me to call him, and that's not what I go for. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't listen but I know he likes me. What should I do?-Old Fashioned Girl

Dear Old Fashioned Girl,
How you start a relationship is how you BEE in a relationship. So do you want to be the Queen Bee or not? That's your choice. It's obvious that this guy isn't shy because he told you what he wants. He wants you to call him. Tell him, in a feminine, open and vulnerable way, that you would love to hear from him (you're sending him the correct signal - now he has to pick up on it). Tell him that you are old fashioned and prefer for the man to call the woman. Put the ball and responsibility in his court. If he doesn't get the message, then you have two choices. You can do his job and call and ask him out (but in the end that won't really make you happy) or you can create some distance between you and in the process make yourself more desirable to him.

Remember, men are hunters. They like a challenge and a conquest. If he doesn't respond, you know what my answer is. Men and women are like trains…another will be along in a few minutes. Just say, "next!" Let me know how it plays out and whether the girl gets her man.

Q: I have been in a serious relationship for 2 years. I often find myself liking and being attracted to other males. I have broken the relationship several times to pursue these males. We are back together now. I now have a crush on a guy and I know he feels the same way. I do not want to break my relationship with my boyfriend again, because he is getting fed up. I would never cheat on him though. I don't know why this keeps happening to me because I think I am happy with my boyfriend. I am worried about his feelings.-Happy but Still Looking

Dear Happy but Still Looking,
First of all, you can't be in a serious relationship if you're still pursuing other guys. So get real. You're not worried about your boyfriend's feelings, you're worried about him dumping you if you decide to go after this new boy toy.

You play "the innocent girl" role really well. You probably deserve an Oscar for your performance. You claim you don't understand why this keeps happening to you, like it's beyond your control. Wake up girlfriend, this is not happening to you - you are intentionally creating this entire situation.

If you really care about your boyfriend and his feelings, put more of yourself and your focus into the relationship instead placing all your intention on being a man magnet / black widow spider and seeing how many men you can lure into your web. As Shakespeare once said, "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

You just might want to examine your intimacy issues. I think you have some work to do in this area.

Q: This guy I am dating was supposed to come over for dinner. He never showed up and never called, but when I talked to him he said he was sorry. He said that he didn't think I wanted to talk to him and that is why he didn't call. Am I wasting my time with him?-He Never Showed Up

Dear He Never Showed Up,
If he never called, then how did you "talk" to him? Hmm, let me guess. You called him to ask him why he didn't show up or call?

Are you wasting your time? Connect the dots and then you be the judge. Here are the facts: you cooked, he didn't call or show up and you called him.

In calling, you found out that he wasn't in the hospital, that he wasn't dead, and that he still had all his dialing fingers. But you also found out something else. He's selfish, inconsiderate, cowardly, and has no cohones. His actions speak louder than his words. He definitely doesn't cherish you.

Remember following:

  • You only love those who love you. And does he?

  • The one who cares least and is least invested in the relationship controls the relationship. Which role do you think you're playing?

  • A man or woman will only treat you the way you expect to be treated.

Are you connecting the dots? What's the big picture look like? Let me sum it up for you: "Men and women are like trains, another will be along in a few minutes. If a train doesn't stop at your station…then it's not your train. He's not your train. Just say, "NEXT."