Friday, November 28, 2008

Sex is like good conversation

It’s not what you say, but how you say it. And who among us couldn’t benefit from a few elocution lessons?

The earlier sizzle, when men were so eager to show off their sexual prowess, was long past. Women are taught to let men take the lead, which is fine. But as we all know, men, and their penises, have limited attention spans and need constant entertainment. Sure, men have sporadic flashes of genius. But for the most part, sex could be reduced to kiss, touch, kiss, touch, kiss, pounce …

“That was great for me, was it great for you?” The familiarity of lying side by side with a couple of smooches and caresses is fine, but a little variation to perk up Mr. Stiffy is always a welcome change.

Everybody knows the basics.

Taking up these techniques while you’re dating will surely lead to a quick proposal of marriage. Introducing our tips if you’re married or in a long-term relationship will, undoubtedly, lead your partner to suspect you’ve been getting special coaching on the side. Tell him you have. Tell him whatever you want. But think of this book as your personal trainer, at a fraction of the cost.

“Can I see your tan lines?”

We offer this simple line because a question as this can get the ball rolling. When the opportunity to have sex presents itself, men don’t need cryptic, convoluted messages or fancy engraved invitations. On the other hand, they don’t want to be trampled like they’re in a subway at rush hour. So not so subtle is the key.

Let’s face it. Most women just don’t seem comfortable taking the suggestion of Marabella Morgan and greeting their partners at the door wrapped in plastic. Besides feeling like an idiot, you might end up looking like the last bologna sandwich left on the counter of 7-Eleven that no one wants to buy. Too subtle, like cooking a gourmet dinner at home, will only make him feel full and much too guilty about wanting to jump your bones after you’ve worked so hard. The way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but in this case you’re shooting for parts a bit lower.

Besides the tan-line, other tried and true lines you might use are:

  • To your banker boyfriend: “Wow, you’re been working out. Make a muscle.”
  • To your hippie English professor: “Do you really have a peace sign tattooed on your thigh?”
  • To your buttoned-down accountant: “Wait a second … let me get that thread off your pants.”
  • To your doctor: “Would you mind taking a look at this bite for a second?”
  • To your new friend at the bar: “I have to go. Will you walk me home/can you drop me off?”
  • To the delivery guy: “Just a minute, my handbag’s in the bedroom”

The variations are endless. Most men are bright enough to take the cue. All you have to do is come up with a line that works for you … this book teaches you all about it.

Just grab it

We’ve had numerous conversations about when you’ve gotten the guy into striking distance but are unsure about what to do next. Sure, you can look up into his eyes with a sexy come-hither glance. You can throw your arms around his neck and deliver a deep, wet kiss. Or you can slowly and seductively massage the knots out of his neck or back. These might work, but in the end, there is only one method that is absolutely fail-safe:

Take a deep breathe, emit slow, audible exhale, look into his eyes and just grab it.

You’re probably saying to yourself that he’ll think you’re a slut. Rest assured that any bad thoughts will be quickly dispelled by the novelty of your taking the lead and by your awesome performance. This WILL make him happy. A little ladylike initiative can go a long way. “Just Grab It” is more than a piece of advice.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Bedroom - Preparing The Love Nest

You look and feel spectacular, so the next step is to prepare a riveting meeting space. You may think that he doesn't care about setting as long as he's getting you, but that's not completely true (Do you remember Ross from FRIENDS with the gorgeous woman in her rat-infested apartment?) The magic, excitement and thrill will start to seep away as soon as something becomes uncomfortable or falls apart.

So, again, you must take control. Design a space that will be yours (and his if you wish) to command and shine in. It is important that in your preparation, you have considered the importance of some of the 'tools of the trade.' With these tools, the tricks to passion will be at your fingertips, and it will appear that you exude this knowledge and confidence effortlessly.

Bed Basics

The most important tool in your repertoire is your bed. You should consider the bed's size, height, style and position in the room.

If you can afford it and have room for it, buy at least a queen-size mattress. Ideally, the bed frame should have no headboard or footboard to bang against. Height is also important as this can partially determine the ease of some of the intercourse options that may later be open to you. A high bed is not only dramatic, but also allows for a variety of exciting positions. Avoid futons and any mattress-on-the-floor options, as they can be torture on the knees. While some people love the idea of rocking the waves on a waterbed, be aware that waterbeds have rigid frames that can cause bruising and skin irritations.

Carefully consider your bed's position. If you've got the space, put the bed on a low platform in the center of your room. The bed will be elevated to a great height and accessible from any angle. If space dictates that you must have one side against a wall, make it your head-side! Nobody wants to be restrained from letting loose because they are afraid of hitting their funny - bone on the plaster wall.

Bedside Basics

If you plan to move your relationship past the kissing stage and into the bedroom, you should consider stocking your bedside table with a few 'basics' to simplify and intensify the passionate experience. Most of these items should be kept discreetly inside a drawer or flip-top open box and guilefully taken out if the appropriate time arises. The first critical bedside basic is, of course, are condoms. Next in line are lubricants. It is fine and even recommended to keep a pump bottle of lotion on top of the table but any specific lubricants such as KY jelly should be kept out of immediate sight. Also suggested for inclusion is a terry cloth washcloth (not tissues) for cleaning up the skin after any sticky act. After you read the following section, you may also decide to add a few adult toys to your bedside collection!

A note on setting the 'atmosphere' - if you plan on using candles to set the romantic mood be sure to keep them in glass holders out of hitting/kicking distance from the bed. The panic of a fire will not set either of your hearts racing for the right reasons! An alternative is to place your light switches (with dimming options) at accessible distances from your bed.

THE JOYS OF TOYS - Sex toys

Even as women step into top-level management positions, take charge of their relationships with friends and lovers, and acquire more power in society as a whole, many are still unsure how to approach sex toys. Part of the stigma may be that they fear that they will have to go into seedy shops to check out the merchandise, while others worry that if they, their partners, and their sex lives were good enough, they wouldn't need these toys. Both of these concerns are unfounded.

Sex toys are called toys for a reason - they are fun. They can bring a person pleasure on his or her own, or enhance the strongest and most passionate intimate relationship. There does not have to be any embarrassment in the process of purchasing - if you don't want to go to a store, you can easily order by mail or over the Internet (and it'll be delivered to you in an unmarked envelope/box.)

Vibration Sensation

Perhaps the most versatile and popular of all sex toys is the vibrator. If you are looking to buy one, consider spending a little more money for more options. The plug-in variety generally has multiple speeds, which allows different plans for different demands.

Vibrators can be used on you, on him, or on both of you at the same time. If he likes to be in control (and you don't mind letting go,) give him the wand and let him make a little magic for you. You'll find that this does him good also, as he'll get off on your pleasure-induced moans.

If the tables turn, and you are giving him some manual or oral stimulation, you can enhance his pleasure by placing the vibrator on his backside. To put the vibrator to use during intercourse, it can be placed on your clitoris when the man is inside you, or it can be placed underneath you if you are lying on your stomach. In both of these positions, the vibrations will stimulate wild new sensations in both of you. The possibilities are many, and remember it's a toy, so feel free to play!

Feet massage - massaging is relaxing you for sex

Women all love to have their feet massaged, Its incredibly relaxing. It will be nice if he does this for you. Swap around so that one of the girls doesn’t get to do all the doing and not get “done” herself. Take turns in giving each others feet a good soft oily massage. Rub each others backs and shoulders, Proceed into oral sex from there and then when you are all very comfortable and relaxed and on top of the bed (sheets can be an irksome nuisance if there are the under them, dispense with them!) onto the gobbling fishes until you all climax.

NEVER TWO MEN AND ONE WOMAN - WHY?

This combination should be avoided at all costs. Its not good for us women, and not really good for him either. Everything reacts. I will tell you a gruesome story about this that will really put you off ever doing it with two or more men at the same time ever again, and that is good thing too.

I once, many years ago now, was asked to counsel a young lady who was in the habit of going with two or more men at the same time. She was a lovely girl. Recently divorced at the time and thought she would try to get her self esteem back by being the play thing of some boyfriends of hers who thought that she was good sport for letting herself be “gang banged” by these young men. The men were ignorant and didn’t know any better. The girl was ignorant too and she didn’t know any better either. But she was the one who paid for the ignorance. It wasn’t well advised. Not from a fun and games point of view. They all had fun and she was at all timers a willing participant. After all she would make the choice of her own volition to go round to her boy friend’s apartment, and he would arrange for two or three of his friends to be there and they would all fuck her, and they would all cum inside her. To cut a very long story short, she experienced serious inner vaginal dysfunctions that are a mystery top the medical profession.

What happened was that the semen of all these men is alive, and inside one woman, they are all fighting each other to inseminate her ovaries, whether they know they can or not. The different semen from each of the men fight each other while they are inside your. Even if it’s the semen of just two men, and even if those men are all pals. The semen doesn’t care. Once inside a woman’s vagina, the semen fight. This fighting of the semen creates an energy imbalance in her vagina, in her body and in her mind, it so happens. These are medical facts. Any woman who cares to use herself as a guinea pig for medical science will soon find out to her cost that this is what will happen.

In the end the poor girl had to have an operation resulting in a good portion of her rectum having to be surgically removed. Sorry to be so gruesome, but it’s a lesson. Now you know, you can save yourself the consequences and I would advise you to make sure that this is firmly understood by all your friends too. Many of these rectum, anal, and vaginal operations can be avoided if only women were aware that this is why they contract these terrible vaginal and rectal and womb conditions.

Sexual confidence and prowess

Certainly it makes for a very mature approach to sexuality and will indeed produce a great deal of sensual pleasure for all concerned. It will take his understanding of sexuality and himself to new-found heights. Women have a great deal of sexual gravity and not all men will have the necessary confidence and sexual prowess to be able to hand two women at the same time. Some will, and may be coming more from macho pride. But that feeling will pass with maturity. It has nothing to do with “fucking two birds” at the same time. It has to do with the art of love making, and practicing the reemerging sensual arts.

It maybe down to us women really to get this started properly. Men who find themselves in bed with two women are far less likely to feel that they are engaged in a fine art of love making, and much more inclined to think they are involved in a multiple shagging, one then the other experience.

It may in that case be a good idea to discuss it before hand, if this can be done in a mature way and without deadening the excitement of lovemaking. A little uncertainty makes for greater excitement. But a little preparation might go along way to “tuning him in” to what you have planned. He will need to be sexually potent and not tired, as this takes some energy and self-control on his part. Even go so far as to draw little stick diagrams for him, if you don’t have a handy tantric manual and show him the posture.

He may be a tantric expert in which case you are in luck. Don’t count on it. Call the posture the Gobbling Fishes so that you all know what you are talking about if there is a next time, and there should be.

Remember, that when it comes to the ancient arts of love making, we are all beginners. But as long as there is willingness to experiment, and a fair attitude towards each other’s process of sexuality, then how can you lose? You cannot.

Dealing with the emotions is another matter. In the ancient arts of Tantra, two women and one man can lead to a quarrel between the two women if it becomes evident that the man is taking more to one and not the other. This is the danger of repeating the experiment with the same “team”. That preference is going to be natural. The man will most likely start to gravitate towards one woman and slightly less one. He will tend to show that preference by the he chooses to cum inside. He may be a real stud and shoot his load into both of you.

The ideal number of women to share one man in a lovemaking act is, shockingly enough four women, and not two. Certainly the gobbling fishes can only be performed with one man and two women. But there may be four women present. That poor man will have to have a lot of sexual stamina.

The Shape Of Your Body, Your Face

Thin. Fat and Big Bummed. Hourglass body shape. Busty. Well proportioned. Long necked. Short waist. Long waist. Flat abdomen. Paunchy abdomen. Long legged. Short legged. Stumpy. Tall. Small. Medium build.

YOUR FACE
The truth is a man will want to have sex with most women if they are his type. His type is a pretty broad spectrum. Like he said, he is wired that way. He can be turned on by the idea of shagging six women in close succession. It's male prowess. Natural. He is genetically wired to have those desires. The rest is managing the sexual politics. But the grass root rules don’t change in the politics of attraction. You may have overheard men say in bars, I have to love her face to fuck her.

Now a woman will want him to say, it’s all in the personality. Not true. It’s a myth. Personality is not the first thing a man will go after. Sure, a woman may have a beautiful body and a beautiful face and if her personality is awful, she might not score with a man sensitive to personality. Good looks aren’t everything. But how you look is important. There are five thousand women's monthly magazines proving that point every month of the year. Half of all the books and magazines in print are sold on that one fact. Looks.

THE VOICE of A WOMAN
Listen to your voice. A voice can be modulated and trained and you can do it yourself. A man can be turned on by a voice and turned off by a face. Look at the billions made out of sex lines. The Voice of a Woman.

THE WAY YOU DRESS.
Some say a woman dress to outsmart other women. Maybe true in a few nutcases. But really, women dress for men.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Make them perfect, ladies. This is much more important than you may have ever thought. Pay close attention because getting this wrong on a first sexual encounter with a man could lead to disaster in all your future love making. It is vitally important that you get this right the first time. Why? Because first impressions, especially between men and women in a sexual encounter last a long, long time and it takes a lot of undoing a wrong first impression.

Women are more sensitive than men!

You may have noticed this about yourself. Women are much more sensitive to vibration. A woman can be turned on more by a vibration she is getting from a man than his physical appearance. We like a well-groomed man. We like a handsome man. We like a well turned out, well dressed, well-spoken, clever man. What woman doesn’t. We also like Joe Rough too. Jeans and cowboy hat. We like Mr. Adventurer, the James Bond types. We like the homely bared chap that isn’t going to leave us for another woman. But vibration we feel. One woman friend of mine went to see her lover at work one day and the man sitting next her lover across the room had a vibration so strong and so magnetic for her that she couldn’t help noticing.

She kept looking over at him. He hadn’t noticed her. He was busy vibrating at his own frequency, but that frequency was her wavelength all right. She could not help herself, she gravitated towards him and even touched his elbow to make her presence known to him. He saw her and their eyes locked for a fleeting second. In that second they both knew that if they could arrange to meet somewhere alone, that was going to end up in the bedroom, and fast. Maybe it wouldn’t last, but there were sparks all over the place. She was hot for him and once he became Aware of her he fancied her too. This is not to say that a woman fancies a man with her eyes and he is going to fancy her right back.

FEAR OF REJECTION

This is a big one for both men and women. Women fear it more, but I will tell you a secret: men fear it just as much. Fear of rejection can keep you alone indefinitely.

Another close friend of mine had that problem. She was duly over this man for years and she was scheming all sorts of ways to get him alone in her house. He was dashing, good looking, a heartthrob. If he were a Hollywood film star he would have been a sex icon. But she couldn’t see that. She just saw it as her own wish. She was to him however ugly and fat and revolting. That is an extreme example. But it’s a point worth making, in case you think that liking or being able to tune into a man’s vibration is all you need to conclude that he is going to fancy you too. Not necessarily.

That is the risk factor, the factor of rejection. No one can take rejection really. No one takes rejection well, and because of that both sexes are reluctant to chance their arm on sexual and emotional encounters that may mean rejection. It can and is always quite hurtful and painful. That is one reason why men sometimes go with whores for sexual release. They can pay for sexual release without fear of rejection. The same goes for women and male prostitutes. It’s a way around rejection.

Fear of rejection - how to cope with it ...

You can’t live your whole life in fear of rejection. You have to jump over the wall sometime, and you may as well recognize that fact, unless you want to be alone. If you really are frightened and cannot jump over the wall and meet people and start to enjoy normal sexual relations with a man, then you must seek and find appropriate help. There are many organizations that are designed to help women overcome fears of rejection.

They can be found in every community, on the Net, in the yellow pages and in Local Newspapers. You have to join these encounter Groups and get out there and make an effort to combat those stifling social traps. Never believe you are the only one who has any fear. There is always another one who has the same problem.

LADIES, PLEASE BE REASSURED THAT THERE REALLY IS NO PROBLEM BIG ENOUGH THAT IT CANNOT FIND SOME SOLUTION.

Fear of rejection is a wicked one because it can keep us alone. And this is something that can be helped.

LOOKING FOR LOVE

Unless we have just got over a ghastly divorce and we are not ready, all of us, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or to each other are looking for love. Even in the most casual sexual flirtation, there is always that little voice whispering at the back of your mind, “could this man be the one for me?” Could he be Mr. Right?

Could he be my husband? Once you have shagged him, that feeling could grow more intense. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s genetically hard wired. We are always after Mr. Right. Mr. Permanent. Mr. Provider. We can’t help it. Its part of the Womanly condition and so it should be. Get comfortable with it. That is a condition that is unlikely to ever change. But men don’t think that whenever they shag a woman. Most women think they think as they do. Looking for Mrs. Right. He might be. But don’t count on it. He is most likely looking for another notch on his belt. He is most likely looking for a shag. Remember what I told you about the ram in a field full of sheep. He will shag the lot until he drops.

If you are the perfect fit, he might want to keep coming back for more. But don’t get all upset and hurt if he is into shagging you and then moving on. There is the risk. Sure, if you shag him half a dozen times you have every right to think there is something going on, a relationship. But it isn’t a good idea to start saving for your bottom drawer or looking meaningfully in Jewelry shop windows at the ring department. You start that too early in the game and even Mr. Right will get the message and may beat a hasty retreat. If he is into you and wants you he will let you know it. If you want him, that is. Here’s a really refreshing little tip for you. There is no such thing as lust. It is all love in his mind. It might be short lived, but it is love all the same. Long-range love is a different matter.

The quality of your sex life might be the determining factor.

Older Man And Younger Woman

This, believe it or not, works at the energy level. A woman can find love and happiness in an older man. The energy between them in this combination doesn’t harm her or him. Part of the reason why it does not ultimately work the other way round is that women go through a menopause where her hormones change in a very radical way. She can no longer bear children and her whole vibration level starts to change. A man can father children potentially, all his life. A man of 70 or 80 or even older can impregnate any woman of child bearing age, and that age starts when she is pubescent, and has her first period, as early as 12 or 13 in many cases. Most girls start menstruating by the time they are 14 years old, and any man can make her pregnant at practically any age.

This fertility combination is one reason why a man can have a relationship with a younger woman and it can work very successfully. We women tend to put out the propaganda in our own magazines, which we tend to edit and staff with members of our own sex, so naturally very biased and naturally unbalanced, that older men should not be fucking women half their age. But from an energy point of view there is no harm in it. A forty-year-old man can and does fuck women of twenty. A fifty-year-old man can and does fuck women in their early twenties. Many women who go with older men tend to be attracted to the father principle, the sugar daddy idea, the lure of protection, financial security, being looked after.

That is natural because a woman is genetically wired to nurture and a man’s attraction to her may be that he can protect and look after her. So there are social as well as genetic and psychological factors in favor of that dynamic. Whether we women as a gender want to approve of this, it happens, and will continue to happen whether we like it or not. Nature is a stronger force than the prevailing social conditioning, or current fashion in ideas on the subject. It is going to help us women lot to understand these natural forces and work with them rather than try to fight them or oppose them. Ultimately we cannot win against nature herself because wherever we do, the price is usually much higher than anyone can pay. That is something every woman who gets serious about a man should really keep in mind. Its never simple, but that is a very safe assumption to make. It stands to reason. A man’s mother is the strongest force in his life on the female front. If it’s a good solid liberating, understanding, compassionate relationship, he is going to be attracted to women who are like that. Few men, as few women, are really completely well adjusted. That is why there are so many psychiatrists, and so many relationship workshops.